Archive for Random
Maybe I Can Get Surgery To Get Asian Chicks
June 6th, 2011 • Random
Tags: asian, Asian Women, Hairy
One of my friends suggested I get eye surgery to get Asian girls. Trust me, if I for a second thought that that would work, I’d go for it. I’d need the eye surgery, then laser hair removal – which would cost about $20,000 just for my upper body I’m guessing, as the Asian chicks have a firm no body hair policy.
Vancouver: From ‘European’ to ‘Eurasian’. From Racist To MORE RACIST
June 6th, 2011 • Random
Tags: asian, Racists, Vancouver, Vancouver Women
I was walking around the streets thinking to myself: In a few more years, Vancouver will be nothing more than a city of people that are mixed/pure: either white/asian, asian/asian, brown/brown, brown/white. So, basically, I will be getting rejected non stop, 24/7. Not that that’s any different from now. Thing with mixed babies is, they either turn out really hot, or *really* ugly. There’s no middle. Racists.
And what do I find today on the Vancouver Sun’s web site? Yes, that’s correct, and article that SAYS THE EXACT SAME THINGS I’ve been saying.
Here, read the fucking article.
#WINNING!
Title Should Be “Vogue Italia Tries To Fit Three Plus-Size Models On June Cover (PHOTOS)”
June 3rd, 2011 • Babes, Random
Tags: Huffington Post, Plus-Sized Models, Vogue Italia
The Huffington Post posted images of the latest issue of Vogue Italia, with the title “Vogue Italia Puts Three Plus-Size Models On June Cover (PHOTOS)”.
As you can see by the title of my post, my title is better.
They’re attractive though. Nice curves. As our cavemen ancestors would have said: “They look healthy and fertile”. I think they’re better than the “closing time at the bar not bad” thing.
Weddings Have Ruined A Classic
June 3rd, 2011 • Random
Tags: Pachelbel, Weddings
Too bad stupid weddings have had a negative effect on my ability to enjoy this.
Meeting A Girl Tonight
June 3rd, 2011 • Babes, Random
Tags: dating, Fart, Farting, Hot Girl, PlentyOfFish, POF
My POF journey continues as I’m meeting a pretty hot girl tonight for a coffee.
My actual biggest concern isn’t so much if I’ll totally mess it up, because I’ve done that so often that it’s just “meh” these days, my biggest concern is if I fart or not.
I’ve been eating a lot more fruit lately, especially in the mornings, and apparently if you have too much fruit, you get pretty gassy and start farting, and let me tell you, my farts stink so bad they could suffocate an entire room.
I was watching TV last night and I let out a few farts, and OMG, I had to open up the windows. When I was on the train the other day, I let one out, and my buddy standing next to me said “oh snap, someone let out a nasty fart…”. I had to tell him it was me. Surprised he didn’t know as he was standing right next to me.
You Say Ukraine Weak?
May 21st, 2011 • Random, Video
Tags: Smackdown, Ukraine Parliament
The Men At The IMF Are Apparently Horny
May 20th, 2011 • Celebs, Random, Video
Tags: IMF, Sex
Interesting article on CNBC today about the horny alpha male men working at the IMF, and the sweet, innocent, angel’s of women that there who feel they are constantly being harassed by men.
Some women avoid wearing skirts for fear of attracting unwanted attention. Others trade whispered tips about overly forward bosses. A 2008 internal review found few restraints on the conduct of senior managers, concluding that “the absence of public ethics scandals seems to be more a consequence of luck than good planning and action.”
I know there are many douche bag men out there with no respect towards women whatsoever. There are monsters out there, no question. and I am in no way excusing their behavior. Period. Full stop.
Having said that (If Larry David knew me, he’d make fun of me for saying “having said that”), I’m tired of hearing that they all these women are damsels in distress and have no idea what’s going on.
Women know how to control men. This stuff has been going on for all of human evolution, and quite frankly, some women have no problem sleeping with their boss to get ahead. It’s just that simple. Why are any of us shocked by this?
Again, not excusing what the now former head of the IMF allegedly did to the female worker at the hotel he was staying at. If he’s found guilty, then he should be sent to prison.
Remember ladies, you have to act like a bitch sometimes, otherwise US MEN WILL NOT GET THE HINT. If you are in any way nice to a man, he will automatically think that you want to sleep with him. It’s just in our nature. It’s how we’re made, and it really sucks. Us men hate it.
Trust me, it’s not fun being horny 24/7 with no release. Women have no idea what a man’s sex drive is like. It is all consuming. If there was a pill I could take to kill it, I would be first in line.
So, women, just be bitches and you won’t have any more problems from men.
Apparently Some Guy Is Creepy
May 19th, 2011 • Random, Sex
Tags: Creepy, dating, Evolution, Women
I was at lunch today with a couple girls from work, and they mentioned that a guy that works on our office floor creeps them out.
Now, knowing women as I do, I know the smallest thing about a man can creep them out, so I asked, “what about him specifically creeps you out?”
At first they both shrugged and couldn’t really say one specific thing, so I pressed them on it and they both mentioned that he tends to stare at them.
Now, granted, as Dave Chappelle pointed out, us men really need to control ourselves when we stare at women. We can’t scream out (as Chappelle said) “Damn look at them titties!”, and I myself hate it when I get on the train or just go somewhere I can feel someone staring at me. Though, I doubt they’re looking at me and going “damn he’s hot..I’d love to do it with him right now…”. Though, there’s a lot of gay guys in my city, and I’ve been told by other gay men that I’d be popular in the gay community. Wish I was popular in the straight female community. Meh.
Reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry tells George that he can’t stare at cleavage for a long period – it’s like looking at the sun, you take a quick peak and turn away.
Now I have no luck whatsoever with women. What adds to the bad luck is that my town is filled with Asian chicks, which only like Caucasian and Asian men.
There’s this really cute Asian girl that works as the floor receptionist in my building, and I have a feeling that I creeped her out once when I kept talking to her, so eventually I completely stopped…and now I think I’m coming off as a dick.
It’s really interesting because when you think about it, everything we do as humans is designed for us to mate. Everything. The human brain is really nothing more than a mating advertising machine, as has been written in The Mating Mind.
So, you would think with the milllions of years of evolution, everything that we have gone through as a species, that we as men anyway, would have at least some idea on how to deal with women, but we don’t, as our goals and interests are completely different from women’s.
We are basically clueless, especially in today’s modern world where women have gained so much power in the last 50 years (all good things), that we as men, and even women, have no idea on how to deal with this.
Women want to be treated as equals in every which way, but still want all the chivalry. All I ever hear from women is “chivalry is dead”. As my man Chappelle said, “chivalry is dead, and women killed it”.
Women, no matter what the fucking stats are saying, make just as much as men, and have lower expenses. They don’t need to pay for the dates, the trips, all the courting/mating things that have to go on. The men have to do that. That shit costs money. You can’t take a woman for just a god damn ice cream and movie anymore. No sir. Movie, dinner, perhaps a little gift, etc.
Now, I can’t blame women for wanting these things. It’s in their biology. It’s in the genes. Women are looking for a man that can bring home the bacon, that can provide for them and their offspring, etc. This stuff goes back millions of years.
But at the same time, women cannot blame us men for wanting hot, young, fertile females. That’s in our genes. They can’t blame us for “thinking with our penises”. That’s how we’re made.
Note to all women: If us men weren’t horn dogs chasing every piece of ass we could, you probably wouldn’t be around. Your father had to be chasing your mom, courting her, flirting, buying her stuff so he could eventually mate with her and get his AND her genes into the next generation.
So, yes, the guy may have come off as creepy, but then again, I think most guys at some point do, because we have no idea what the fuck we’re supposed to do.
Young Chubby Girls
May 19th, 2011 • Random
Tags: Chubby, Fat, girls
You ever look at a young chubby girl, and go “hmmm…yah, not bad”. By young, I mean 18-23. It seems to be that that’s their prime before we just call them fat. By we, I mean men.
It’s interesting, from an evolutionary perspective, that when our brain looks at said chubby female, it can figure out that she’s still young and fertile enough to be considered “yah…she’s cute, I’d fuck her”, where as if she was any older, said awesome brain would say “meh…she’s kinda old and fat…”
It’s almost summer now, and I’ve been seeing a bunch of these younger chubby girls walking around lately, and I don’t know, they seem to look very fuckable. I’m also very desperate for any female attention at the moment, but…that’s not the point.
I Feel Like Mugatu On Zoolander
May 18th, 2011 • Random, Video
Tags: asian, Mugatu, Racist, Zoolander
Apparently I’m the only person on the planet that knows asian chicks are racist. Reminds of this scene in Zoolander.
Honest. To. God. How many more times do I have to tell people that ASIAN chicks ONLY like Caucasian and Asian men? Yes, you might find a couple that have black guy or whatever fetish, but those are just the exception that prove the rule.
Look at this gem I had totally forgotten about. I took this image last year during the Winter Olympics here in Vancouver.
PS: If you can’t figure it out, it’s an Asian chick with a Caucasian guy. Yah. Fuck you.
Trolling Plentyoffish.com
May 7th, 2011 • Random
Tags: PlentyOfFish, troll, trolling
Since it’s a known fact that I have no chance with ANY female, ever, as most women are racist gold digging cunts, I’ve decided to give up on attracting females and just troll POF and send hot girls dumb messages.
Here’s my message that I send to every girl:
Wow, you are gorgeous. If I was white or Indian and had a chance with you I’d attempt to ask
you out. Thanks, bye.
Replace Indian with whatever race that girl you’re messaging is, as no matter their rice, they all love white guys.
Though, the last few days that I’ve been sending that message out, these fucking girls have been replying back, saying they thought my message was hilarious and that they loved my profile.
What the fuck! I don’t even know how to respond to a reply to any message, let alone when I’m just trolling.
In general, I’ve learned it’s best to just avoid talking to all females at all cost. I have no idea what’ll come out of my mouth, and there’s a 99% chance I’ll accidently insult them.
I had a different girl cutting my hair on Friday as my regular took the week off, and I accidently insulted her as she was cutting my hair. Just…happens all the fucking time.
I’d like to get laid.
The Female Crackhead Wasn’t Bad Looking
May 7th, 2011 • Random
Tags: Crackhead
Was in Chinatown earlier & saw a crackhead sitting at the corner with his crackhead girlfriend. For a crackhead girlfriend, she wasn’t bad. I felt like giving the guy a high five, but I wasn’t wearing any gloves & I forgot my hand sanitizer, so I couldn’t. Maybe he can give me some pointers on what chicks like.
I hate fucking hate dealing with the women in my city. No joke, you go up to them and say “Hi, how are you?”, they’ll either scream rape, or give you a look like you just raped her kitten with the baseball bat that Belladonna used to shove up her ass. Top first.
Bitches, eh?
This Is Why I Don’t Date
February 11th, 2011 • Random
Tags: POF
Well, there’s many reasons why I don’t date, #1 being that no female is interested in me, but nevertheless, I went on POF earlier and happened to click this hot looking girls profile, and OH MY GOD…the most insane profile I have ever seen.
I’m not going to post the link to her profile as I don’t want to embarrass her, but I copied and pasted this little gem here for your enjoyment.
This is copied exactly how she wrote it. I have not altered any of it.
About Me
Up to date**Trying to find a guy from the Internet is different.I have no problem meeting guys are getting asked out but it’s just I can’t bring myself to like them or there cheaters liars do drugs smoke weed are if none of that there jerks with prob.90 percent of guys lie,so ****off. I’m looking for the 10 percent(NOW.1 PERCENTwho isn’t going to bullsh*t.haven’t been in anything serious for awhile.I want it to only be with a guy I can see myself building a future with that has morals and all that.that’s respectable that I get to fall in love with. Looks are important to be yes I will not like a guy I don’t think is good-looking,but I have my own taste of beauty in a partner.6 pac pretty boys aren’t my type as much as regular cute guys..chubby is great.tall is a bonus.AND to add.. no looks arent EVERYTHING but they are SOMETHING/I cant be close to a guy im not attracted to.Money is not important to me there are much more important things in life,plus money does not by happiness,true love well,but that doesn’t mean I reject presents!Have waited a long time and I will keep waiting for my 1guy.They say good things come to those who wait.You ever notice that sometimes people get lonely and settle for less and get married and build a future with someone and end up worseoff,divorced are in an unhappy marriageinstead of waiting for the RIGHT person they settled for less..And it can change who they if they dont get out fast, and make them loss the chance of meeting that true person.I would rather be alone till im 50 then with the wrong person.I know plenty of people actually that are really unhappy with there r/s hubbys etc. I feel sorry for them but I mean we all have a choice and thats the choice they made.
*About me..My hobbies: The gym is my life.If I dont go I dont feel good.I am always at the gym and I am very much into fitness and health.Im pretty confident with my body.when im in shape otherwise im really hard on myself if I dont think i am.)I like to show it off i guess lol.Sometimes if im feeling insercure about something I try not to put myself down to people because quite frankly, most people DONT care,girls are serectly jelous and well be happy for all you know,and people tend to think your just fishing for compliments and it can piss them off so theres no point.I just try to get over it and stay as confident as I can about the issue or I go out and do something about it.I havent posted any bikini pics on this site NOW because I dont want that to be your first impression.”SEX!”wrong messsage, cause im not looking for hooks up and I dont want to be talked to like a sleeze if im trying to actually get to knows you”.Im stubborn.IM NOT FAKE.I dont act CATTY.I DONT BULLY PEOPLE FOR NO REASON.I TRY my best to find GOOD in people to outdo the bad.My personailty is very easy to get along with,I dont have a high pinched voice,are anything out of the normal.If I have an opinion on something,it is right (thats what I think anyways).Ive been studing the bible for a bit over a year now.The bible has the power to change people.I really believe that.Some friends,almost all have laughed …HA..HA…HA…Leah you go do bible studies…LOSER hahah.. I just was at the point in my life where I wanted to figure it all out and get the anwsers that I need to help with my decisions I make etc. Im glad I did.To me i beilive i have found the truth and the purpose and meaning of life..lot more details about past history events to learn tho but i got the big picture.My thinking has dif mattured.I have made my mistakes, im not perfect.I just try to do what I feel is the right thing and it feels the meaning to my life.The one thing that is my worst nightmere is to loss a loved one..for example if something really bad happens to my family.are if someone I love dies are a close friend dies are gets really sick.. this is where the problem with me and guys come in too.in the past I have been that nice sweet and caring girl to these guys and got hurt things that can leave scars.. so now I think when people do little things that hurt me that aren’t THAT big of a deal, I blow it up and sometimes I go overboard and i can be a bit selffish.I guess slowly over the years thats why I changed a bit towards guys.I do judge guys .kept my guard up.and take things on differly because of that huge fear.It might sound silly to some people are hard to understand but I dont know its just something thats extremely difficult for me.moving onI live at home with my mom and my brother..im dif the most matture one here..lol..Iclean,cook,do it all.the rest of my fam im NOT close with , there pretty much strangers to me..havent been a part of my life since I was 10, I talk to a few once in a while,just on facebook or invite a causin over sometimes but im not close with them and SOME OF THEM I would walk right by and not talk to them because I really dont like them…I love to cuddle its my fav:)my fav color is red.I am bad at expressing feelings to people and putting things in words, not a smooth talker I just say whatever.Im not a shy person but once in a while it happens.I say I hate liars but ovs I do lie sometimes(butI always have a REASON when I do it)I love listening to music..pretty much anything..I just dont like REALLY dirtymusic.like some of those rap songs where they arent even good and they talk really retardedly about stuff..I’m super super laid back very easy to talk to.I’m a quiet girl but im crazy.I’m not a drama queen but sure if you push my buttons I can kick ur ass if I really wanted tobut USUSALLY Iwont.Ill just do something small.are YEL AND B*.If you talk to anyone that knows me very well they would call me crazy girl.Igot a temper but only use it when I need to..I’ careless overall,I don’t care about alot of things,I let them go.The things I do care about, I really care about.Have I ever been in love,sure,true love,well I think sometimes you got to experience thingsin life.ISAYTOEVERYONE.Timecan only tell what really is in the heartand I know I am RIGHT.If I like aguy I can be emotional.If we are together and your a idiot sure I can start to cry,maybe have a sad face or get my*on(*isdefense mode)GUYSBEWARE:I always get guys back NOT IN A WAY THAT IM going to chop of your**but i will do a bunch of tricksallTRICKS!like text u insteadof call if it pisses u off are talkingabouthow hot your bsf is.ANDiwont ill go on and on with more tricks
First Date
TO DATE THIS USER YOU **** DO NOTS
** Force themselfs on me
**Clearer JUST want to get downh my pants( Its not just about sex boys, theres alot more involved)
** not homosexual
** Im married im just looking for a sexual r.s on the side( yes he said that, ud think hed lie?lol)
**From: Rezin1984 (Vi FrFrom: Rezin1984 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: im horny Sent Date: 2/3/2011 3:02:08 PM
Let’s meet up for a one night standIm NOT looking for childish guys who are looking to hook up, our there on this site thinking WOW i can date 3 are 4 girls at the same time!..You know what, go for it!Good luck! but dont bother me and waste my time, because you’ll have to putt in WAY to much effert with me and sooner are later I will find out and it will just have been a waste of time for you, when you could have been bothering another girl and getting down her pants instead of NOT getting anything from me and then getting ****ed at.
I dont like when guys see my pictures are talk to me once then ask me if I want to be there gf,shows there disprete and that they just want to feel that spot to have a girlfriend, and that theres nothing speacial about you. I want a guy who likes me for my inside that they dont find in another girl and think im the most prettiest women whether are not I was.DESCRIBE WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON YOUR FIRST DATE PART:
..anythinggg:) chill.. go get something to eatIf we message back and forth and we get along great and you seem like a cool guy…I give you my number.. and if we get to know eachother more and if i LIKE you ALOT and i am really intrested in you and can see something coming from this and you are NOT a under cover drug dealer/Pimp/womenizer/etc. also When i tell a guy DONT call my house AGAIN and talk to my MOM about me all the time..
.. (Its creeeppy as hell………….and it shows me that there something wrong with you.. even to look up my HOUSE number to talk to her ALL the time..
if not those things happen.. I will meet you and go on a date..I dont care if your RICH.I dont care if you dont have a job….i dont care if you dont drive.. i dont care if your living at home and your 33…just be honest and aslong as your TRYING.”keyword”.. you try to find a way to support yourself.. looking for work are going to school…etc..just some GOALS for yourself you know what i mean?…
I HAVE GOT TO KNOW SOME REALLY CHILL PEOPLE ON THIS SITE GIRLS AND GUYS.. EVEN THO MY PROFILE IS TALKING ABOUT THE NEGATIVE LOL..THERE IS ALOT OF WERIDOS BUT THERE ARE STILL NICE PEOPLE ON HERE.. JUST HAVENT FOUND SOMEONE THAT I CLICK WITH IN THAT WAY..
AND AT THE END OF IT ALL.. I PROLLY HAVE THE LONGEST PROFILE ON PLENTOFISH.. BUT IM GLAD .. MOST IS FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCES ..HONEST AND STRAIGHT UP WITH EVERYTHING.I wrote more but it keeps erasing it notenough room P
I Make Alan Harper Look Good
February 11th, 2011 • Random
Tags: girls
So, another Friday night, and I’m at home, watching TV. Unlike most Friday nights where I have absolutely nothing to do other than watch TV and repress my rage, I have laundry to do tonight as well, so that makes it a little better.
I don’t want to meet a person that doesn’t like fresh towels.
It does get a little frustrating though, as I live in the racist capital of…the world…with the most expensive women. Honest to God, even the fat girls cost an arm and a leg, and thats when they’re not trying to eat your arm and leg.
I see beautiful women everyday on my way to work, and I feel like God is just trying to punish me. I know I have no shot in hell with them, yet, everywhere I turn, there they are, hot, fit, with pink nipples (I’ll just assume).
There’s a hot girl that works on my office floor, but unfortunately she’s Asian, and as I have proven here many times, all Asian women are racist bitches that only like white or Asian men. She’s also tall, which, is interesting because you don’t see many tall Asian chicks. So not only do I have no shot with her because of me not being white or Asian, but I’ve got the short thing against me as well.
I wish there were some black chicks in my city. According to porn, they’re all pretty hot as well. Though I do like the mocha chicks a little more. Kinda like those hot Indian babes (from India) that have that lighter skin.
Meh. Maybe I should just get a cat….then again, you have to work for the affection of those moody little fuckers as well.
I Hope I’m Not Interrupting
February 7th, 2011 • Random
Tags: asian, White
In my new office building, the front desk has an Asian chick and a White guy, and it feels weird when I walk by them, because, you know, the chick is Asian and the dude is White, so naturally they’re just sitting there wanting to mate with each other but can’t…I feel like I’m interrupting something.
I Can’t Help But Look
January 30th, 2011 • Random
Tags: asian, girls
I met a girl from POF earlier today, and she was actually really cute and cool. She also had big tits which was an added bonus. They looked pretty nice.
They were fresh looking. They looked clean, from what I could tell. You know sometimes when you look at tits and they’re just glowing? That’s what these looked like.
I should clarify that by tits I mean cleavage that showed a lot of the tits. I imagine that if I got to see the full thing, they would be glorious with pink nipples.
Anyway, as we were sitting at Starbucks, all these hot Asian girls kept walking by, and good lord they were fine. I mean Oh.My.God. They were hot.
I couldn’t stop staring. Every time one walked by, I would quickly make sure the girl from POF wasn’t staring and then I’d quickly look over and check out the hot Asian racist girl that I have no chance in hell with.
As much as I bitch and moan about Asian girls, all I want are Asian girls. Something about them. I don’t know what. Maybe it’s because I think they have tight pussy’s since I just assume Asian guys have small penises, so their vagina’s haven’t been stretched out. Kinda makes me think black chicks have larger vagina’s since according to porn all black males have 13 inch penises that sway to the left.
I would totally love to have sex with some hot ass Asian women. I don’t even care if they have no tits, as most are pretty flat, but they have killer bodies.
Hot girls are…hot.
But as men, we’ll usually just have sex with just about any female. It is pussy after all.
There’s a few different ways to look at it.
Have sex with a really hot girl? Afterwards you’re usually wanting to marry her, or at least bang her a few more times.
Have sex with a cute girl? You still want to fuck her some more.
Have sex with a meh chick? Meh, you could go for seconds, but if it doesn’t happen, you don’t care much.
Have sex with a fat ugly chick? You’re immediately regretting it and wanting to get the hell out of there.
I hate it when the fat ugly chicks want to cuddle after. Like, are you serious? I know I’m not Brad Pitt and that your ego is usually pretty large because most men will fuck anything and you haven’t realized this yet, but come on…I rather you leave without saying anything. I got to cum, which was the most important thing, and it’s time to move on.
Maybe I’ll ask out a hot Asian girl tomorrow, but I doubt that’ll happen.
Women And Gays – I Seem To Offend Them All
January 29th, 2011 • Random
Tags: Gays, Women
You know, as I get fucking older, I’m starting to realize that women and gays (whether dude or chick), get offended really fucking easily, especially whenever I seem to open my mouth.
I seem to have to be on constant guard on what I say around them. Seriously, it’s fucking stupid. Any little thing can be taken the wrong way, and before you know your hair dresses is shaving your head off or the gay dude wants to have you taken away for a hate crime.
I exaggerate, but only a little. I remember I once said something about tranny’s, which TOTALLY CAME OUT THE WRONG WAY, but it wasn’t offensive, and the girl cutting my hair looked like she was about to take the clippers and go whack my hair.
With straight guys, you don’t have this problem. Us straight men are in a world of our own where literally nothing can offend us, other than making a joke about the size of our genitals.
SHRINKAGE!
Indian Girls Are Also Racist Bitches
January 29th, 2011 • Random
Tags: Brown Girls, Indian Girls, Mohinder
Indian women (as Tucker Max say’s, dot, not casino), are also racist bitches. But, what you can do is around that by saying you’re a lighter skinned brown guy, as long as you’re not blonde with blue eyes.
Also, tell them you’re name is Mohinder. Mohinder is also a basketball.
I Can Repel Women For You
January 28th, 2011 • Random
Tags: Repel, Women
Do you have a crazy stalker chick after you? Allow me to offer my services as a woman repellent. I have 29 years of experience in this field. By just standing there, in front of the crazy girl, having her see my face, she will run away in horror and never bother you again. $100 per crazy girl. Contact me.
I Can Sense That She’d Rather Be On Fire Than Talk To Me
January 28th, 2011 • Random
Tags: girls, grocery store
Remember that cute girl at the grocery store that I mentioned? Super cute, friendly, everyone likes her, etc.
Well, a week ago I casually asked her if she’d be interested in some Chinese food, which she laughed and said no, and ever since then I’ve noticed she’s been totally cold to me, and tonight, I could tell that she would rather be on fire or have some hobo licking her face than have to see me again.
I get in line, and it’s quickly my turn and she didn’t even look at me, didn’t say Hi, even after I said Hi twice. I asked if she had plans tonight, and she said “No” like she was going to scream NO so I wouldn’t rape her or something.
Oh man, it was fucking horrible. I think it’s time I quickly give that whole thing up.
I’m supposed to meet a girl on the weekend from POF for a coffee, and I have a feeling it’ll go down the toilet pretty quickly.
The last girl I met a couple weeks ago refuses to see me again. FUCK. She wasn’t even hot. I hate it that shit.
If only Charlie Sheen would invite me to one of his cocaine filled porn star parties.
You Ever Have A Mentally Challenged Girl Want To Fuck You?
January 24th, 2011 • Random
Tags: Craigslist
Now, most people would say that any female that would want to get it on with me has to be mentally challenged, as no normal person with an IQ over even 10 would want to hook up with yours truly.
Well, I have a story.
I was on Craigslist one night, bored out of my mind, so I decided to post an ad to see if any girls wanted to go for a coffee, and see where it goes.
I post the ad, sit around for a while, and get no responses, unless you count the the responses with “girls” telling me to sign up at a web site to “confirm” who I am, or the hookers, or the gay guys wanting to suck me off. Or the guys that email me saying they’re straight but like to suck dick. No thanks.
Anyway, after a few hours this one girl emails me. She even attached real looking photos! She was pretty cute! I email her back and we set up a time to meet at a Starbucks.
Now I don’t get out that often, so when I finally do decide to go out, I make sure to dress up. Whether it’s to meet a chick or go to Dairy Queen to bring food back, I make sure to look good. Seriously, no one dresses better than me at Dairy Queen. Ask, hater.
I get to Starbucks, and I see her sitting down waiting. I introduce myself, and get a water. She already had a drink. I sit down and start chatting with her and quickly notice that something seems a little off.
She was fidgeting a lot, smiling at me like she was 10 and I had candy for her, and I think the thing that got me thinking that this chick might be a little mentally challenged was her shoes.
They were old man shoes.
Yes, she was wearing old man shoes. I was starting to feel really uncomfortable, so I suggested we go out for a walk. All I could think of was how the fuck do I get out of this.
As we were walking, she kept talking my arm, and trying to hold my hand, but I just kept walking faster.
Oh man, it was horrible. We got to a cross walk and the light was red. As we were standing there, she tried to kiss me on the cheek, but I quickly moved my head away. Phew! I told her I forgot that I had to go help my mom with something, but that she should give me her number and I’ll call her. She started to get all weird and thought I just didn’t want to hangout with her. UMM YES!
I felt like I was trying to reason with a 5 year old. I was praying she wouldn’t make a scene on the street. She eventually gave in and gave me her number….which I crumpled up and threw out as she wasn’t looking.
Oh, and how did she get out to meet me? She took the bus.
Online Dating Is For Morons
January 22nd, 2011 • Random
Tags: online dating
The more I go through dating sites, the more I’m convinced online dating is only for fucking retarded people.
It’s all fucking fake. I’m always blown away by this ridiculous profiles.
Online dating is becoming for me what religion is to Bill Maher.
I was in such an annoyed mood this morning that I went online and made the world’s most ridiculous list…ever.
I got a few rules if you’re going to message me.
1. If in all of your pictures you are at a club, don’t message me.
2. If most of your pictures have you with a drink in your hand, don’t message me. I don’t want to go to your AA meetings.
3. If in your pictures you’re kissing guys on their cheeks, don’t message me.
4. If you’re best friend is a straight guy, don’t message me. AS IF two straight people of the opposite sex can be best friends without wanting to get it on. PLEASE.
5. If you’re a racist, don’t message me. So that basically means if you’re Asian, East Indian, or White, or Hispanic, don’t message me. You’re all ONLY into your own race or white guys. Especially you Asian girls. It’s like dealing with the Asian KKK.
6. If you like to call your boyfriend “ma boo” and like to be called “baby girl”, don’t message me.
7. If you’re a Scorpio, don’t message me.
8. If you’re a gold digger, don’t message me. That basically means if you live in the CITY OF VANCOUVER, don’t message me, as anything with a vagina in Vancouver is a gold digger.
9. If you’re over the age of 20 and still dress like an emo highschool girl, don’t message me.
10. If you’ve been in a porno before, or have advertised on craigslist in the erotic section, don’t message me.
11. If you’re really overweight and refuse to lose the weight because you like being a “BBW”, don’t message me. Seriously. It’s unhealthy.
12. If you smoke, or do any drugs, don’t message me.
13. If you expect me to pay for your vacations, refer to #8.
14. If you like to go to Vegas a few times a year with “ma gurls” and bang a bunch of guys because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, don’t message me.
15. If you love to show off your tits in your photos, don’t message me.
16. If you want me to spend $200 a month for your hair, refer to #8.
17. If you think all men are disgusting because we like dirty jokes, etc, don’t message me.
18. If you spit in public, don’t message me.
19. If you don’t go to the dentist, don’t message me.
20. If you don’t shower at least once a day, don’t message me.
21. If you wear the same underwear for days, don’t message me.
22. If you think McDonalds is fine dining, don’t message me.
I’m pretty sure I’ll still end up having a few people message me. Probably some hermaphrodite with more hair coming out of it’s ass than on it’s head.
PlentyOfFish Profiles
January 20th, 2011 • Random
Tags: PlentyOfFish
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but good fucking lord do the girls on plentyoffish.com ever write the longest books…eerr profiles about themselves.
No straight man can possibly get passed the first two sentences. Honestly, the only way any straight male could get through it all is if he has a gay male friend that can sit there and read the whole thing, and then give him the cliffnotes version of it all.
I was browsing it earlier and wow! There sure are a lot of successful 21 year old women that are self employed and that have travelled the world! Being an international hooker must be good business!
Damn Gay Guy
January 18th, 2011 • Random
Tags: girls
First, let me say I have nothing against gays, as by my last count, almost all of my friends are gay, and I think I only have about 4 friends…though that may be a bit generous.
I was at the grocery store earlier and I was totally set to ask out that cute girl that works there, but unfortunately she wasn’t working. Meh, I they had another cute girl working so I figured I could at least start up a conversation with her.
I go stand in line, and whataya know, the gay guy that totally has a thing for me opens the line next to her and waves me over. I couldn’t be a dick about it and say “No thanks, I want to hit on her and try to get laid”.
He’s a nice guy, and sure, it’s flattering that someone has a thing for me. Unfortunately whenever someone has a thing for me, it’s a gay guy. I kidd you not. Seriously. I do well with the gays for some reason, but the straight women just do not like me.
For the record, I’m 100% militantly straight and if you have a vagina I am willing to prove to you right now. All that’s required is for you to let me stick my penis inside you.
Anyway, I’ve seen this guy at my gym, on the bus, etc, and I know he’s being more than just friendly as he totally wants me.
Fuck, it’s like I have a gay stalker.
A bisexual female stalker would be nice. A really hot one with a cameltoe (why does Google Chrome keep telling me I’m spelling cameltoe wrong? They need to add it to this things dictionary), big luscious tits, a size 0, and have hot female friends that want to join in. That kind of stalker would be nice.
He’s not your typical gay guy either. He’s fat, and not like that big bear gay guy fat, more like a big nice fat guy.
I’ll have to go back to the grocery store tomorrow and see if I can muster up the courage to ask that girl out for a drink.
I Tried Cooking From A Book About Nothing
January 16th, 2011 • Random, Video
Tags: Cooking
I can’t cook. Period. Full stop.
I can barely boil an egg properly. I took cooking class in high school and sucked at it.
I’ve gotten breakfast down to a science now where all I have is fruit. No one can mess that up. Lunch is another story.
To keep things simple, I did the Joey Tribbiani and just had nothing but sandwiches. Mainly chicken breast mixed in with a chicken salad, tomatoes, cucumbers, honey mustard, and some other stuff. Well, after a year of doing that, I was about to barf just at the sight of another sandwich on last Thursday. I just couldn’t do it.
I decided it was time I learn how to cook. I basically had two options:
1 – Taking a cooking class
2 – Get a cook book
Now, if you know anything about me, it’s that I’m antisocial and don’t know how to talk to people, be it women or men, but definitely have no clue what to say to women. My biggest fear was that I’d get paired up with a girl and before you know it I’d be kicked out of the class for saying/doing something stupid.
Think of me as a billion times worse than Howard from The Big Bang Theory.
Taking all that into account, I decided to go with the cook book. I went to the book store (which by the way is a great place to meet hot women that will reject you…eerrrr me) and there were so many cook books there that I was totally overwhelmed by it.
I made sure to just see the books with lots of pictures so I’d know what the hell I’m supposed to do/make. After browsing a crap load of them, I stumbled upon Jessica Seinfeld’s Double Delicious Cook. That’s right, Jerry Seinfeld’s wife wrote a cook book about nothing. Okay, I’m kidding about the nothing part.
The book is actually pretty good and makes things simple-ish. I took a picture of the recipe for a Lemon chicken and headed down to the grocery store. Not knowing where anything was, I had to ask anyone and everyone that works there to tell me where to find the stuff I was looking for.
….An hour later, I had what I needed. I get to the cashier and the girl that I have a thing for was working tonight. She’s super cute and easy going. I’m trying to find the best way to ask her out, but people keep getting in line behind me and I’d find it weird asking her out with all everyone watching. Though I did make her laugh a few times during the checkout and called her a stalker jokingly as she asked for me ID. I’ll try again tomorrow.
As I’m walking home, I see this crazy ass psycho dude that was evicted from my building standing outside, looking like he waiting for someone to open the door so he could get in. This guy….fucking psycho. Left a crap load of blood in the elevator once, and caused a whole load of other issues. As soon as I saw him, I turned around and went and waited outside a coffee shop. It didn’t help that it was pissing outside.
About 10 minutes later, I go back, and I still see the car with the girl that was there with him earlier parked outside. I don’t see him though, so I go into my building, get in the elevator, and before you know it, I see him running across the lobby screaming at someone.
I get into my apartment and call the building management, and they tell me to call the cops. I call the cops, and they want me to verify that the guy is still down there before they send anyone. I go back down (shitting my pants), but can’t find him, though I see that the car is still parked outside. I go back upstairs and call the cops again, and they tell that unless he’s doing something illegal, they can’t do anything about it.
Yip. E.
Back to my cooking.
I go through the instructions, and I start to get confused right away. I get through it, but as I’m almost done, I realize that the recipe was for 6 people, and I’m only doing it for myself. FUCK! Reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer fucks up on his cooking.
Wow, Seinfeld is everywhere tonight.
So, you’re probably wanting to see what it looks like. The first image is what it’s supposed to look like.
…aaaaaaand this is what I made.
A little burnt. A little…a lot not like what it was supposed to look like. Now, I haven’t tasted it as I’m waiting to eat it tomorrow for lunch, so I’ll let you know how it turns out then.
So, She Didn’t Cancel
January 16th, 2011 • Babes, Random, Video
Tags: girls
In my previous post, I mentioned that I’m preferring it if girls cancel our hanging out sessions, and was hoping the girl I was going to hangout with later that night and see a movie with would cancel.
She didn’t cancel, but she was late for the movie. We saw the Disney animation, Tangled, which was HILARIOUS.
As I was waiting for her to show up, I was looking at all the hot girls going to the movies. Man, I don’t know how guys that are in relationships can handle being in a relationship, when EVERY fiber in their body is telling them to go and try to mate with these hot women walking around.
There were so many beautiful women, all different nationality’s. The Asian girls were dressed to the 10′s. Damn they are fine. I wish I had a chance with them.
Maybe I should have some plastic surgery on Monday to turn myself into an effeminate Asian boy with a bad hair cut, since that’s all the Asian girls seem to like. Though on my bus ride home there was a Japanese girl with a black guy. It was after midnight and I was starting to wonder if hell had frozen over.
The movie was an animation, and I started thinking, you ever see an animated movie and go “damn, that chick is hot”? What? Don’t judge me. You know you have!
I was thinking it would be funny if the guy is looking at the animated girl while he’s at the movies with his girlfriend and thinks to himself “damn, she’s hotter than my girlfriend”.
After the movie, we went for a appetizer and drink, where I was thinking “yah, I’d hit that”. I was thinking of asking her out again tomorrow for a dinner at this Chinese place I’ve been wanting to try, but….that may have come off as desperate. I mean, she refused to call me the other day on the phone, so…you never know.
I Like It When They Cancel
January 15th, 2011 • Random
Tags: girls
I was supposed to meet up with a girl this morning to hangout, and the from the moment we set the meeting up, to an hour before I was supposed to meet her, I was trying to think of an excuse to get the hell out of it. I don’t know why, but I just had no interest in hanging out with her. She’s good looking, normal, and fun, but meh.
So about an hour before I was supposed to meet her, I logged on to MSN and she sent a message saying she got called into work because someone else was sick. YES!
Now, I have no idea if she was just making that up because she didn’t want to hangout either, but whatever, I didn’t care, I was happy.
I’m supposed to meet another friend tonight for a movie, and there’s really no way I can get out of that unless she cancels on me, which I’m hoping she’ll do.
The movie starts at 9, and she pretty much wants to meet right before the movie starts. No meeting for a coffee first, or a drink, or anything, and wants the late show, and then to go home after. How boring is that? Maybe that’s her way of only seeing me for a bit, and then getting the hell out of there. Either way, I’m hoping she cancels.
Maybe if they were both hot, cameltoed , tanned blondes with perfect, luscious, round breasts and small nipples, I wouldn’t be hoping that they’d cancel…..but meh.
According to this Dr, I should be honest about it. BAH!
Met A Girl From POF
January 11th, 2011 • Random, Technology
Tags: POF
So I finally met a girl from POF in person last night, and it was pretty good.
She showed up a bit late, but what female doesn’t. They all have to be fashionably late. Luckily I had my kick ass new Samsung Focus Windows Phone to keep me company.
via Mobile Jaw
When I arrived at the coffee shop, I needed to get a drink first. I always get water. I can’t drink tea or coffee. A, it stains my teeth, and B, for coffee anyway, it’s an acquired taste that I have not acquired. To be frank, it tastes disgusting. I don’t understand how the rest of the population can drink that stuff. It tastes like dirt. Seriously. What is wrong with you people?
I get my water, and start looking for a place to sit. They have a row of bar stools that go across the entire length of the coffee shop, but there’s always people camped out all over the place with the laptops, etc there. So I take a seat at a table. As I’m sitting at said table, I start to realize how low the chairs are and how uncomfortable I’m starting to feel sitting there, feeling like a little person. Not only that, I realize I’d be facing this girl, and that may get weird. I like to sit side be side.
I look around and finally find a stool and with a couple other seats around it free, so I take that and sit there, surfing the net on my phone while I wait for the chick to show up.
As I’m sitting there, I turn my head a little just to see who’s around, not wanting to make a first meeting even more awkward with people being able to listen to the very first conversation I have with this girl. I have no idea how the meeting will go, if it goes well, then it’s all good, but if it goes horribly to shit, then some random person will be listening in on the entire thing, especially the weird silences that always happens.
Luckily for me, there wasn’t anyone around that would make this weird for us.
She finally shows up, and phew(!), she’s cute. Granted I’d already seen her pictures, but as we all know, girls know how to make themselves look good. Good lighting, different angles, etc.
I won’t get into all the stuff we chatted about (mostly because all of it was so random that I wouldn’t know where to to start), but it was definitely one of the better conversations with a chick (whether new or someone that I’ve known for years) that I’ve had.
I got to talk about evolution (one of my favorite subjects) for a bit, though she did threaten to punch me if I continued to discuss evolution. Why did she do that you ask? Well, because I was using evolution as an “excuse” for everything that men do that women like. But it does go both ways. Women always complain about men thinking with their penises, etc, but don’t seem to realize that men only put up with their shit because they think there may be a remote chance of getting laid.
Sheesh.
Anyway, good times, as we were there for a couple hours. I’ll let you know if we meet again.
via fffound.com
And no, this is not the girl I met, but hey, who doesn’t like to see a cute girl in the shower with balloons? That’s right.
Another Girl Messaged Me On POF!
January 8th, 2011 • Random, Video
Tags: Good Hair, POF
Friends, great news from the western front! Another girl messaged me from POF! She commented on how she loved my shirt.
That was it.
I replied with what I thought were some witty and funny comments based on things she mentioned in her profile, but um, I have to receive a response.
The girl that messaged me yesterday has yet to respond to me as well. I have a feeling that this is going to be a pattern.
Meh.
Speaking of chicks, I was watching the Chris Rock documentary, Good Hair, and it was pretty awesome and hilarious. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about the thousands of dollars African American women spend to get straight, weaved hair, which comes from India.
Let me first say HOLY CRAP there were a lot of hot black chicks in the documentary. One of them was Nia Long, the chick that was dating Will Smith in Fresh Prince. She was looking fine. All of the ladies were. There were a lot of funny parts in it, but the funniest for me was how if you’re having sex with black lady, DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH HER HAIR or she will literally beat the shit out of you.
Nia Long said if she’s having sex with you, there’s only one position allowed, and that’s her on top. Which naturally gave me a nice visual in my head of a hot black woman riding me.
Dear Men’s Health, Chicks With Tattoos Are Freaks In The Bedroom
January 8th, 2011 • Babes, Random
Tags: Tattoos
I was browsing through Twitter this morning and Men’s Health magazine had a link to a question regarding women with tattoo’s, and whether or not they’re freaks in bed.
Now, “freaks in bed” is certainly a relative term, just like “sex addict”. I remember reading a quote once that said that only people that don’t have sex often call those that do sex addicts.
I guess everyone I know is a sex addict then. HA! See what I did there? Oh…wait… 
What is a freak in bed? For men, that boundry just keeps getting pushed more and more the more porn they watch. So they expect girls to do those things. Unfortunately, finding a girl to do ass to mouth in real life is a tad difficult. Then again, I never get laid anyway so I have no idea.
Back to the question that Men’s Health was asked.
If a woman is covered in tattoos, does it mean she’s a freak in the bedroom?
via Men’s Health
Their answer?
No. Unless her tats spell out “I ? latex & ball gags,” a woman’s aesthetic says nothing about her kinks.
I call bullshit. Girls with tattoos are by nature far more open minded than girls without tattoos. It makes perfect logical sense. Any person willing to have someone take a sharp needle and draw on them with permanent ink for hours, if not days, just to draw some stupid Chinese characters that they don’t even know the meaning of and will look like shit when they’re over the age of 35 is by nature more open minded and would be interested in trying anal…or whatever else the kids are doing these days.
I personally love girls with tattoos. They are so hot. Goth girls, emo girls, you name it. Only problem is, those girls, along with non tattoo women also love men with tattoos, which I do not have and wouldn’t really want to get.
Though I was thinking of getting the Vancouver Canucks logo tattoo’d onto my left shoulder and the team Canada logo tattoo’d to my right shoulder.
I mentioned that to my hair stylist and she said it was stupid. She’s hot, so I do whatever she says.
