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The Shampoo Prank Is Epic

June 9th, 2011 • Video
Tags: Shampoo, The Shampoo Prank

This is just fucking hilarious. MUST SEE! But dude should wear slippers in the shower. Eww.

You Say Ukraine Weak?

May 21st, 2011 • Random, Video
Tags: Smackdown, Ukraine Parliament

The Most Interesting Man In The World

May 21st, 2011 • Video
Tags: Dos Equis, Evolution, Men, The Most Interesting Man In The World, Women

If you’ve seen these Dos Equis commercials, you know how awesome they are. I found this compilation and couldn’t stop laughing.

I have to say, he is a handsome man. It’s interesting how as men get older, we see them as better looking, more mature and dignified – just plain cooler. Where as for women, not so much.

It obviously goes back to our evolution, where women must be young and attractive – hence they are fertile and can give us babies. Evolution is a cruel lady. Ironic.

Michael Buble Is Weird

May 20th, 2011 • Celebs, Video
Tags: Baseball, Michael Buble, Vancouver, Vancouver Canucks, Weddings, Worst Day Of My Life

From the Vancouver Sun:

Vancouver crooner Michael Buble is marrying Luisana Loreley Lopilato de la Torre, who is already his wife, in his hometown tonight.

The Vancouver nuptials at an undisclosed downtown Vancouver hotel come slightly more than a month after his March 31 wedding to the Argentine actress in her home country.

ET Canada said the sequel wedding will be attended by hundreds of the couples’ closest friends and family.

“We’re both nervous, but we’re excited,” Bublé, 35, told Entertainment Tonight Canada. “It’s just another excuse to celebrate our love, have a few drinks and to dance all night.”

Seriously? Marrying her AGAIN, even though you’re already married? What the fuck dude! Michael Buble and I share one thing in common, and that is that we are both passionate Vancouver Canucks fans, but we are totally different in every other way….like the fact that he’s rich and can get any woman he wants.

Anyway, I like this guy’s thoughts on weddings better.

The Men At The IMF Are Apparently Horny

May 20th, 2011 • Celebs, Random, Video
Tags: IMF, Sex

Interesting article on CNBC today about the horny alpha male men working at the IMF, and the sweet, innocent, angel’s of women that there who feel they are constantly being harassed by men.

Some women avoid wearing skirts for fear of attracting unwanted attention. Others trade whispered tips about overly forward bosses. A 2008 internal review found few restraints on the conduct of senior managers, concluding that “the absence of public ethics scandals seems to be more a consequence of luck than good planning and action.”

I know there are many douche bag men out there with no respect towards women whatsoever. There are monsters out there, no question. and I am in no way excusing their behavior. Period. Full stop.

Having said that (If Larry David knew me, he’d make fun of me for saying “having said that”), I’m tired of hearing that they all these women are damsels in distress and have no idea what’s going on.

Women know how to control men. This stuff has been going on for all of human evolution, and quite frankly, some women have no problem sleeping with their boss to get ahead. It’s just that simple. Why are any of us shocked by this?

Again, not excusing what the now former head of the IMF allegedly did to the female worker at the hotel he was staying at. If he’s found guilty, then he should be sent to prison.

Remember ladies, you have to act like a bitch sometimes, otherwise US MEN WILL NOT GET THE HINT. If you are in any way nice to a man, he will automatically think that you want to sleep with him. It’s just in our nature. It’s how we’re made, and it really sucks. Us men hate it.

Trust me, it’s not fun being horny 24/7 with no release. Women have no idea what a man’s sex drive is like. It is all consuming. If there was a pill I could take to kill it, I would be first in line.

So, women, just be bitches and you won’t have any more problems from men.

College In PJ’s

May 20th, 2011 • Babes, Video
Tags: College In PJ's, Deaf, Sex, viagra

I found this video on Gawker’s web site as they were talking about educational loans…or something….I don’t really know. I just saw this girl in her PJ’s talking about education.

I actually didn’t even listen to the audio as I’m listening to Adam Carolla’s podcast right now and they’re talking about Katy Perry’s list of demands on her latest tour.

So we need girls in PJ’s now on a bed to get motivated to learn? I’m not judging…I’m just confirming. I’ve always learned best that way.

I can only imagine what it’s like to be allowed to have sex with Katy Perry. I would take 10 Viagra’s and just keep plowing her as much as I possibly before I fall off the bed and die of a heart attack…or go deaf thank’s to the Viagra, whichever comes first.

Yes, I realize this post is all over the place.

Tornado dog walks home on two broken legs

May 19th, 2011 • Video
Tags: Dog, Tornado

I usually only post stories about the most important things in life, like girls big tits, nice asses, why Asian girls are racist, and big tits, but sometimes, I deviate from that when I find a truly kick ass story, like this one.

I Feel Like Mugatu On Zoolander

May 18th, 2011 • Random, Video
Tags: asian, Mugatu, Racist, Zoolander

Apparently I’m the only person on the planet that knows asian chicks are racist. Reminds of this scene in Zoolander.

Honest. To. God. How many more times do I have to tell people that ASIAN chicks ONLY like Caucasian and Asian men? Yes, you might find a couple that have black guy or whatever fetish, but those are just the exception that prove the rule.

Look at this gem I had totally forgotten about. I took this image last year during the Winter Olympics here in Vancouver.

PS: If you can’t figure it out, it’s an Asian chick with a Caucasian guy. Yah. Fuck you.

Canucks Win!

April 26th, 2011 • Video
Tags: Chicago Blackhawks, Vancouver Canucks

Be beloved Vancouver Canucks finally beat the Chicago Blackhawks after being knocked out by them for the last two years in a row.

Hey Baby

February 7th, 2011 • Babes, Video
Tags: Drop It To The Floor, Hey Baby, pitbull, T-Pain

A – this song is awesome. B – the black chick at the start is pretty hot. Or maybe she’s Latino…or something. I can’t really tell. I feel like Don LaFontaine on Family Guy as he narrates trying to figure Dwayne Johnsons (The Rock) ethnicity.

The Asian Female KKK Dominates My City

January 29th, 2011 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: Asian girls, girls

Comrades, as I have repeatedly proven here on Facebook, my city is the most racist town, ever. Dominated by the Asian female KKK, your best shot of getting a female is one of the many gold diggers this city has to offer at a $1000 per minute (great deal!). Don’t be sad though, here we have Sara Jean Underwood with UK supermodel friends Rosie Jones, Victoria Moore and Emma Glover. They have…tits…and legs…I kinda lost where I was going with this.

Hot Russian Babes At My Bus Stop

January 27th, 2011 • Babes, Video
Tags: Russian women

Man, there must have been a mail order bride convention in town or something because there was a crap load of hot Russian babes at my bus stop yesterday morning. And when I say hot, I MEAN hot enough to make me want to learn the old Soviet Union national anthem to sing to them.

Fucking Flaky White Stuff

January 20th, 2011 • Transit, Video
Tags: Larry David, Scottie Pippen, Snow, Weatherman

As Scottie Pippen once said, what the fuck is up with this flaky white stuff?!

And unlike Scottie Pippen who was talking about deodorant (though I think he was in a back handed way saying white people), I’m talking about it fucking snowing today.

I wake up, look outside, and it’s wet out. I don’t see any snow. I put on the news, watch the weatherman, and he doesn’t say shit all about the snow. Great! It’s only going to rain today. Excellent. I would prefer the sun and a cameltoed 19 year blond with big tits, but hey, sometimes you gotta settle for rain and fat chicks. That’s life.

I get outside, and notice some wet snow hitting the ground. It’s not sticking, which is great. I start walking to work. As I get closer to the train station, I notice that there is some snow sticking, but not much, so on we go.

By the way, many hot girls on the train that I have no chance in hell with, but as the hot Asian girls that I have no chance with like to say, whatevz.

I get to my destination, and holy shit, snow everywhere! MOTHER FUCK! My shoes are fucking Puma’s. They have no grip.

I start walking down the stairs, and whoops! I slip and take some random dude down with me. It was a fucking bitch I tell you.

Luckily the dude I took down was cool, and really just ended up bruising my hip. The walk to the bust stop wasn’t any better, but I didn’t slip.

What the fuck weatherman!? Were you busy getting a blowjob from your intern or something?

As Larry David said, he’s a very slick weatherman.

Scottie Pippen.

Olivia Munn Has Nice Tits

January 17th, 2011 • Babes, Video
Tags: Olivia Munn

She was on the late show talking about something or whatever, I wasn’t really paying attention. But man, a hot girl that thinks she’s funny, that’s a double threat right there.

You just gotta laugh with her and hope for the best…the best being getting to lay your head on those tits.

It’s really hard with hot girls. It’s almost like they’re all smart, funny, close with their family, self employed, traveled the world (this is all the crap they write about themselves in their personal ads), etc. It’s all non-sense. I’m just waiting it out until they’re over 30 and no guy wants them.

Got to get them when they’re desperate. Yes sir.

I Tried Cooking From A Book About Nothing

January 16th, 2011 • Random, Video
Tags: Cooking

I can’t cook. Period. Full stop.

I can barely boil an egg properly. I took cooking class in high school and sucked at it.

I’ve gotten breakfast down to a science now where all I have is fruit. No one can mess that up. Lunch is another story.

To keep things simple, I did the Joey Tribbiani and just had nothing but sandwiches. Mainly chicken breast mixed in with a chicken salad, tomatoes, cucumbers, honey mustard, and some other stuff. Well, after a year of doing that, I was about to barf just at the sight of another sandwich on last Thursday. I just couldn’t do it.

I decided it was time I learn how to cook. I basically had two options:
1 – Taking a cooking class
2 – Get a cook book

Now, if you know anything about me, it’s that I’m antisocial and don’t know how to talk to people, be it women or men, but definitely have no clue what to say to women. My biggest fear was that I’d get paired up with a girl and before you know it I’d be kicked out of the class for saying/doing something stupid.

Think of me as a billion times worse than Howard from The Big Bang Theory.

Taking all that into account, I decided to go with the cook book. I went to the book store (which by the way is a great place to meet hot women that will reject you…eerrrr me) and there were so many cook books there that I was totally overwhelmed by it.

I made sure to just see the books with lots of pictures so I’d know what the hell I’m supposed to do/make. After browsing a crap load of them, I stumbled upon Jessica Seinfeld’s Double Delicious Cook. That’s right, Jerry Seinfeld’s wife wrote a cook book about nothing. Okay, I’m kidding about the nothing part.

The book is actually pretty good and makes things simple-ish. I took a picture of the recipe for a Lemon chicken and headed down to the grocery store. Not knowing where anything was, I had to ask anyone and everyone that works there to tell me where to find the stuff I was looking for.

….An hour later, I had what I needed. I get to the cashier and the girl that I have a thing for was working tonight. She’s super cute and easy going. I’m trying to find the best way to ask her out, but people keep getting in line behind me and I’d find it weird asking her out with all everyone watching. Though I did make her laugh a few times during the checkout and called her a stalker jokingly as she asked for me ID. I’ll try again tomorrow.

As I’m walking home, I see this crazy ass psycho dude that was evicted from my building standing outside, looking like he waiting for someone to open the door so he could get in. This guy….fucking psycho. Left a crap load of blood in the elevator once, and caused a whole load of other issues. As soon as I saw him, I turned around and went and waited outside a coffee shop. It didn’t help that it was pissing outside.

About 10 minutes later, I go back, and I still see the car with the girl that was there with him earlier parked outside. I don’t see him though, so I go into my building, get in the elevator, and before you know it, I see him running across the lobby screaming at someone.

I get into my apartment and call the building management, and they tell me to call the cops. I call the cops, and they want me to verify that the guy is still down there before they send anyone. I go back down (shitting my pants), but can’t find him, though I see that the car is still parked outside. I go back upstairs and call the cops again, and they tell that unless he’s doing something illegal, they can’t do anything about it.

Yip. E.

Back to my cooking.

I go through the instructions, and I start to get confused right away. I get through it, but as I’m almost done, I realize that the recipe was for 6 people, and I’m only doing it for myself. FUCK! Reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer fucks up on his cooking.

Wow, Seinfeld is everywhere tonight.

So, you’re probably wanting to see what it looks like. The first image is what it’s supposed to look like.

…aaaaaaand this is what I made.

A little burnt. A little…a lot not like what it was supposed to look like. Now, I haven’t tasted it as I’m waiting to eat it tomorrow for lunch, so I’ll let you know how it turns out then.

So, She Didn’t Cancel

January 16th, 2011 • Babes, Random, Video
Tags: girls

In my previous post, I mentioned that I’m preferring it if girls cancel our hanging out sessions, and was hoping the girl I was going to hangout with later that night and see a movie with would cancel.

She didn’t cancel, but she was late for the movie. We saw the Disney animation, Tangled, which was HILARIOUS.

As I was waiting for her to show up, I was looking at all the hot girls going to the movies. Man, I don’t know how guys that are in relationships can handle being in a relationship, when EVERY fiber in their body is telling them to go and try to mate with these hot women walking around.

There were so many beautiful women, all different nationality’s. The Asian girls were dressed to the 10′s. Damn they are fine. I wish I had a chance with them.

Maybe I should have some plastic surgery on Monday to turn myself into an effeminate Asian boy with a bad hair cut, since that’s all the Asian girls seem to like. Though on my bus ride home there was a Japanese girl with a black guy. It was after midnight and I was starting to wonder if hell had frozen over.

The movie was an animation, and I started thinking, you ever see an animated movie and go “damn, that chick is hot”? What? Don’t judge me. You know you have!

I was thinking it would be funny if the guy is looking at the animated girl while he’s at the movies with his girlfriend and thinks to himself “damn, she’s hotter than my girlfriend”.

After the movie, we went for a appetizer and drink, where I was thinking “yah, I’d hit that”. I was thinking of asking her out again tomorrow for a dinner at this Chinese place I’ve been wanting to try, but….that may have come off as desperate. I mean, she refused to call me the other day on the phone, so…you never know.

Another Girl Messaged Me On POF!

January 8th, 2011 • Random, Video
Tags: Good Hair, POF

Friends, great news from the western front! Another girl messaged me from POF! She commented on how she loved my shirt.
That was it.

I replied with what I thought were some witty and funny comments based on things she mentioned in her profile, but um, I have to receive a response.

The girl that messaged me yesterday has yet to respond to me as well. I have a feeling that this is going to be a pattern.

Meh.

Speaking of chicks, I was watching the Chris Rock documentary, Good Hair, and it was pretty awesome and hilarious. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about the thousands of dollars African American women spend to get straight, weaved hair, which comes from India.

Let me first say HOLY CRAP there were a lot of hot black chicks in the documentary. One of them was Nia Long, the chick that was dating Will Smith in Fresh Prince. She was looking fine. All of the ladies were. There were a lot of funny parts in it, but the funniest for me was how if you’re having sex with black lady, DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH HER HAIR or she will literally beat the shit out of you.

Nia Long said if she’s having sex with you, there’s only one position allowed, and that’s her on top. Which naturally gave me a nice visual in my head of a hot black woman riding me.

Yoga – To Do Or Not To Do

January 7th, 2011 • Babes, Video
Tags: Yoga

Via Very Special Porn (veryspecialporn.tumblr.com)

I just moved into my new building a little less than a month ago, and at the front concierge desk there’s little flyers/brochures for offers ranging from personal trainers to dog walkers.

One that I came across was for Yoga at a place literally around the corner from my building.

I’ve always wanted to Yoga, considering its a hot bed (literally) of hot (literally) women. The one thing thats been holding me back has been the having to buy the freaking attire for it, and that, according to some, you fart non stop.

A, I don’t want to go in there looking like a scrub who just rolled out of bed, and B, I’ve smelled my farts, and let me tell you, I don’t care what Jake Harper on Two And A Half Men says, my farts are by far the worst. Though I imagine they won’t be as that bad out in an open-ish area, compared to what it is in the shower, which could literally kill an entire population of a small country.

So I could go to LuLu Lemon and pay for over priced yoga clothing and see if I could meet girls that way. I remember one of my reasons for joining the gym was to meet some girls. That didn’t exactly work out as I planned.

The only time me buying something allowed me to meet hot girls was when I was 11 and had my parents buy me roller blades because I knew the hot girls that were in our apartment building would let me roller blade with them.

Wow. So in the last 16 years, none of my ideas on meeting girls have worked.

A little depressing.

Back to yoga. I think I’ll try it out. I’ll shave to my arm pit hairs…and maybe wax my chest. Trust me, being hairy and getting all sweaty at the same time is not a good combo.

I recall a time at the gym where I was working out and had my arms in there, WOW, like a punch in the face I could smell my arm pits. They made my farts smell like roses.

Anyway, if you have any experiences with yoga classes, and meeting hot women at said yoga classes, let me know.

Or…maybe I could just take private lessons.

Californication – Season 4 Starts Tonight!

January 7th, 2011 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: Californication

Correction: It starts on Monday, in Canada anyway. Fuck.

The man I wish I was, known around here as the Girl Whisperer, returns to the small screen tonight to claim all the vagina he can. That’s right friends, Hank Moody, the writer that bangs the hottest legal vagina’s (and one underage vagina by accident) is back for season 4!

Going by the trailer, this promises to be another amazing season.

Season 3 ended with Hank going to jail for banging the underage Mia Lewis (banged in season 1) played by Madeline Zima (that he didn’t know was underage when he banged her). That final scene of season 3 was really quite powerful. David Duchovny and the writers did a great job making us feel horrible for a guy that can get any piece of ass with a snap of his fingers.

Rob Lowe makes a guest appearance this season, which, going by the few scenes I’ve seen so far, add a whole new depth of awesomeness to the show.

No word if Susan Sarandons daughter, Eva Amurri, who played the luscious Jackie in 9 episodes in season 3 will return. Her stripping is an image that has been tattoo’d to my brain for eternity.

Enjoy the episode kids! It promises to be another great season!

Cute Cashiers

January 1st, 2011 • Random, Video
Tags: Cashiers

You ever go to the grocery store and say to yourself “Wow, all these cashier chicks here are really cute!”?

The place I go to has me saying that all the time now.

The girls, almost all of them, are filipino, fit, small, and short. Damn. Now I know I’ve mentioned that all Asian women are racists that only like white guys and or Asian guys, but they’ve gotten me to the point where I want to ask them out, even though I know I’ll be rejected.

They’ll probably just tell me to fuck off as they’re asking me if I want my stuff double bagged.

Meh, as Jesse Jackson likes to say….keep hope alive!

Oh, and the cutest cashier ever…Meadow Soprano…

Dear New Years – Fuck You Very Much

December 31st, 2010 • Video
Tags: New Years, New Years Eve, NYE

I had to go out and get something, and while I was out I saw all the girls dressed to the 10s, looking hot as hell, with me having no shot in hell with them.

My head hurts.

What I would give to be impotent. It would make my life so much easier.

As far as I’m concerned, evolution totally fucked up with giving us males these ridiculous non-stop sex drives.

Hot Banker

December 31st, 2010 • Babes, Random, Video
Tags: Asian Women, East Indian Women, Hot Banker

I was at the bank the other day waiting for my banker to see me so I could set up some automatic payments into a different retirement account. Turns out, the dude was sick with a cold and didn’t come in.

No worries, they send in their hot assistant manager. As she’s walking me to her office, she turns and says to me “I hope I’m not too much of a disappointment from Mike.”

Now I don’t exactly remember the words that came out of my mouth, but in my head I was thinking “I would love to bend her over her desk right now and give her a good pummeling.”

It’s good to have that block in my brain that prevents me from saying how I really feel.

She was this gorgeous East Indian girl. Fit, great smile, all around awesome. Unfortunately like Asian girls, East Indian women are just as racist where they only like white guys or East Indian men.

I don’t think I’ll ever get laid again.

And here’s a banker that said she was fired for being too hot.

Rosie Jones Is The Woman You’d Love Your Woman To Be Like

November 15th, 2010 • Babes, Video
Tags: Old Spice, Rosie Jones

DO I really need to say anything about the awesomeness of this video? I didn’t think so.

Gisele Bundchen – Carpo Presente Photoshoot

October 10th, 2010 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: Gisele Bundchen

Watch this video, enough said on Gisele’s hotness.

Minka Kelly Is In Esquire Magazine

October 10th, 2010 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: Minka Kelly

Derek Jeter’s girlfriend, Minka Kelly is in the November 2010 issue of Esquire magazine, making us all hate professional athletes anymore.

I’ve never seen her in anything, except for the season 7 finale of Entourage where she tells Vince to fuck off.

Girls with the name Minka are usually hot.

Victory Poker Model Cake Fight Teaser

October 1st, 2010 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: and Emma Glover, Rosie Jones, Sara Jean Underwood, Victoria Moore

I don’t think there are any words required for this video. I’m pretty sure I’ll watch this video every morning before I leave for work in the mornings to trying and kill my morning rage caused by having to wake up.

Can’t believe this is just the teaser video. They shouldn’t make teaser videos like this. That’s just a big tease and…just mean.

Sara Jean Underwood, Victoria Moore, Rosie Jones, and Emma Glover. Enjoy.

Katy Perry Showed Off Her Tits On Sesame Street

September 23rd, 2010 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: Katy Perry, Sesame Street

Katy Perry took her amazing tits to Sesame Street and before you knew it, parents started calling and writing in that their kids were getting boners from seeing her.

Seriously? Most boys that watch Sesame Street haven’t even had their nuts descend yet, so I don’t know what they’re talking about. Also, it’s just tits, and she’s topless.

Hello Katy Perry…

Lucy Pinder – Bennetts Bikini Bike Wash

September 22nd, 2010 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: Bennetts Bikini Bike Wash, Lucy Pinder

Whomever the person behind this ad was had obviously broken into my dreams and seen that is is what I dream about most nights.

Lucy Pinder washing a bikini with her hot friends. I think that should be part of the opening ceremonies for the 2012 London Olympics.

Larissa Riquelme Is Back

September 15th, 2010 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: H Magazine, Larissa Riquelme, Topless

God’s gift to humanity, Larissa Riquelme, is back in H magazine showing off her amazing figure.

I’ve decided that one going to have one hot girl from every country in the world that I’m infatuated with. So for Paraguay, it’s going to be Larissa Riquelme.