She Speaks English

May 1st, 2011 • Babes • No comments

I was walking around my hood in Chinatown, and noticed this hot Asian girl working at one of the salons on Main st. She was standing right behind the window, looking out, wearing Lulu Lemon pants and a tight top. I almost went in there and said “so…the sign says you speak english?”

Canucks Win!

April 26th, 2011 • Video • No comments

Be beloved Vancouver Canucks finally beat the Chicago Blackhawks after being knocked out by them for the last two years in a row.

Dear Maple Leafs, Flames, and Oilers Fans

April 24th, 2011 • WTF • No comments

Dear Maple Leafs, Flames, and Oiler fans that are trolling and making fun of the Canucks – yes, they choked – but at least us Canucks fans don’t have to turn to ESPN Classic Canada to see the last time our team made the playoffs. I think VHS was still popular when the Leafs were last in.

Yes, I Haven’t Posted In A While

March 25th, 2011 • WTF • No comments

Miss me? All three of my fans? Yes, I haven’t posted in ages…lazy fuck that I am.

It’s not so much me being lazy, it has more to do with me hating writing. That’s not entirely true, I actually love to write, but it’s just that I wish I had a talk show instead where I could just talk about all the things I write.

I’ll be starting my own video/podcast pretty soon on Ustream, so I’ll start posting those soon.

What’s new? Absolutely nothing. I still have no luck with women. I pissed off the concierge (female) and a tall British girl in my building by accident? How you ask? Well, I was chatting with the concierge, and this British girl comes and offers to buy her some milk, so me, being the natural idiot that I am, decided it would be funny to say “What are you doing now? Getting people to buy you stuff?”

I SAID IT AS A FUCKING JOKE!

Well, they both took it personally. The British girl gave me the dirtiest look ever, like I just sodomized her kitten.

Meh.

I just shouldn’t be allowed to talk to anyone.

Stupid evolution and its need to make me want to talk to women and mate.

This Is Why I Don’t Date

February 11th, 2011 • Random • No comments

Well, there’s many reasons why I don’t date, #1 being that no female is interested in me, but nevertheless, I went on POF earlier and happened to click this hot looking girls profile, and OH MY GOD…the most insane profile I have ever seen.

I’m not going to post the link to her profile as I don’t want to embarrass her, but I copied and pasted this little gem here for your enjoyment.

This is copied exactly how she wrote it. I have not altered any of it.

About Me
Up to date**Trying to find a guy from the Internet is different.I have no problem meeting guys are getting asked out but it’s just I can’t bring myself to like them or there cheaters liars do drugs smoke weed are if none of that there jerks with prob.90 percent of guys lie,so ****off. I’m looking for the 10 percent(NOW.1 PERCENTwho isn’t going to bullsh*t.haven’t been in anything serious for awhile.I want it to only be with a guy I can see myself building a future with that has morals and all that.that’s respectable that I get to fall in love with. Looks are important to be yes I will not like a guy I don’t think is good-looking,but I have my own taste of beauty in a partner.6 pac pretty boys aren’t my type as much as regular cute guys..chubby is great.tall is a bonus.AND to add.. no looks arent EVERYTHING but they are SOMETHING/I cant be close to a guy im not attracted to.Money is not important to me there are much more important things in life,plus money does not by happiness,true love well,but that doesn’t mean I reject presents!Have waited a long time and I will keep waiting for my 1guy.They say good things come to those who wait.You ever notice that sometimes people get lonely and settle for less and get married and build a future with someone and end up worseoff,divorced are in an unhappy marriageinstead of waiting for the RIGHT person they settled for less..And it can change who they if they dont get out fast, and make them loss the chance of meeting that true person.I would rather be alone till im 50 then with the wrong person.I know plenty of people actually that are really unhappy with there r/s hubbys etc. I feel sorry for them but I mean we all have a choice and thats the choice they made.
*About me..My hobbies: The gym is my life.If I dont go I dont feel good.I am always at the gym and I am very much into fitness and health.Im pretty confident with my body.when im in shape otherwise im really hard on myself if I dont think i am.)I like to show it off i guess lol.Sometimes if im feeling insercure about something I try not to put myself down to people because quite frankly, most people DONT care,girls are serectly jelous and well be happy for all you know,and people tend to think your just fishing for compliments and it can piss them off so theres no point.I just try to get over it and stay as confident as I can about the issue or I go out and do something about it.I havent posted any bikini pics on this site NOW because I dont want that to be your first impression.”SEX!”wrong messsage, cause im not looking for hooks up and I dont want to be talked to like a sleeze if im trying to actually get to knows you”.Im stubborn.IM NOT FAKE.I dont act CATTY.I DONT BULLY PEOPLE FOR NO REASON.I TRY my best to find GOOD in people to outdo the bad.My personailty is very easy to get along with,I dont have a high pinched voice,are anything out of the normal.If I have an opinion on something,it is right (thats what I think anyways).Ive been studing the bible for a bit over a year now.The bible has the power to change people.I really believe that.Some friends,almost all have laughed …HA..HA…HA…Leah you go do bible studies…LOSER hahah.. I just was at the point in my life where I wanted to figure it all out and get the anwsers that I need to help with my decisions I make etc. Im glad I did.To me i beilive i have found the truth and the purpose and meaning of life..lot more details about past history events to learn tho but i got the big picture.My thinking has dif mattured.I have made my mistakes, im not perfect.I just try to do what I feel is the right thing and it feels the meaning to my life.The one thing that is my worst nightmere is to loss a loved one..for example if something really bad happens to my family.are if someone I love dies are a close friend dies are gets really sick.. this is where the problem with me and guys come in too.in the past I have been that nice sweet and caring girl to these guys and got hurt things that can leave scars.. so now I think when people do little things that hurt me that aren’t THAT big of a deal, I blow it up and sometimes I go overboard and i can be a bit selffish.I guess slowly over the years thats why I changed a bit towards guys.I do judge guys .kept my guard up.and take things on differly because of that huge fear.It might sound silly to some people are hard to understand but I dont know its just something thats extremely difficult for me.moving onI live at home with my mom and my brother..im dif the most matture one here..lol..Iclean,cook,do it all.the rest of my fam im NOT close with , there pretty much strangers to me..havent been a part of my life since I was 10, I talk to a few once in a while,just on facebook or invite a causin over sometimes but im not close with them and SOME OF THEM I would walk right by and not talk to them because I really dont like them…I love to cuddle its my fav:)my fav color is red.I am bad at expressing feelings to people and putting things in words, not a smooth talker I just say whatever.Im not a shy person but once in a while it happens.I say I hate liars but ovs I do lie sometimes(butI always have a REASON when I do it)I love listening to music..pretty much anything..I just dont like REALLY dirtymusic.like some of those rap songs where they arent even good and they talk really retardedly about stuff..I’m super super laid back very easy to talk to.I’m a quiet girl but im crazy.I’m not a drama queen but sure if you push my buttons I can kick ur ass if I really wanted tobut USUSALLY Iwont.Ill just do something small.are YEL AND B*.If you talk to anyone that knows me very well they would call me crazy girl.Igot a temper but only use it when I need to..I’ careless overall,I don’t care about alot of things,I let them go.The things I do care about, I really care about.Have I ever been in love,sure,true love,well I think sometimes you got to experience thingsin life.ISAYTOEVERYONE.Timecan only tell what really is in the heartand I know I am RIGHT.If I like aguy I can be emotional.If we are together and your a idiot sure I can start to cry,maybe have a sad face or get my*on(*isdefense mode)GUYSBEWARE:I always get guys back NOT IN A WAY THAT IM going to chop of your**but i will do a bunch of tricksallTRICKS!like text u insteadof call if it pisses u off are talkingabouthow hot your bsf is.ANDiwont ill go on and on with more tricks
First Date
TO DATE THIS USER YOU **** DO NOTS
** Force themselfs on me
**Clearer JUST want to get downh my pants( Its not just about sex boys, theres alot more involved)
** not homosexual
** Im married im just looking for a sexual r.s on the side( yes he said that, ud think hed lie?lol)
**From: Rezin1984 (Vi FrFrom: Rezin1984 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: im horny Sent Date: 2/3/2011 3:02:08 PM
Let’s meet up for a one night stand

Im NOT looking for childish guys who are looking to hook up, our there on this site thinking WOW i can date 3 are 4 girls at the same time!..You know what, go for it!Good luck! but dont bother me and waste my time, because you’ll have to putt in WAY to much effert with me and sooner are later I will find out and it will just have been a waste of time for you, when you could have been bothering another girl and getting down her pants instead of NOT getting anything from me and then getting ****ed at.
I dont like when guys see my pictures are talk to me once then ask me if I want to be there gf,shows there disprete and that they just want to feel that spot to have a girlfriend, and that theres nothing speacial about you. I want a guy who likes me for my inside that they dont find in another girl and think im the most prettiest women whether are not I was.

DESCRIBE WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON YOUR FIRST DATE PART:
..anythinggg:) chill.. go get something to eat

If we message back and forth and we get along great and you seem like a cool guy…I give you my number.. and if we get to know eachother more and if i LIKE you ALOT and i am really intrested in you and can see something coming from this and you are NOT a under cover drug dealer/Pimp/womenizer/etc. also When i tell a guy DONT call my house AGAIN and talk to my MOM about me all the time..
.. (Its creeeppy as hell………….and it shows me that there something wrong with you.. even to look up my HOUSE number to talk to her ALL the time..
if not those things happen.. I will meet you and go on a date..I dont care if your RICH.I dont care if you dont have a job….i dont care if you dont drive.. i dont care if your living at home and your 33…just be honest and aslong as your TRYING.”keyword”.. you try to find a way to support yourself.. looking for work are going to school…etc..just some GOALS for yourself you know what i mean?…
I HAVE GOT TO KNOW SOME REALLY CHILL PEOPLE ON THIS SITE GIRLS AND GUYS.. EVEN THO MY PROFILE IS TALKING ABOUT THE NEGATIVE LOL..THERE IS ALOT OF WERIDOS BUT THERE ARE STILL NICE PEOPLE ON HERE.. JUST HAVENT FOUND SOMEONE THAT I CLICK WITH IN THAT WAY..
AND AT THE END OF IT ALL.. I PROLLY HAVE THE LONGEST PROFILE ON PLENTOFISH.. BUT IM GLAD .. MOST IS FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCES ..HONEST AND STRAIGHT UP WITH EVERYTHING.I wrote more but it keeps erasing it notenough room P

I Make Alan Harper Look Good

February 11th, 2011 • Random • No comments

So, another Friday night, and I’m at home, watching TV. Unlike most Friday nights where I have absolutely nothing to do other than watch TV and repress my rage, I have laundry to do tonight as well, so that makes it a little better.

I don’t want to meet a person that doesn’t like fresh towels.

It does get a little frustrating though, as I live in the racist capital of…the world…with the most expensive women. Honest to God, even the fat girls cost an arm and a leg, and thats when they’re not trying to eat your arm and leg.

I see beautiful women everyday on my way to work, and I feel like God is just trying to punish me. I know I have no shot in hell with them, yet, everywhere I turn, there they are, hot, fit, with pink nipples (I’ll just assume).

There’s a hot girl that works on my office floor, but unfortunately she’s Asian, and as I have proven here many times, all Asian women are racist bitches that only like white or Asian men. She’s also tall, which, is interesting because you don’t see many tall Asian chicks. So not only do I have no shot with her because of me not being white or Asian, but I’ve got the short thing against me as well.

I wish there were some black chicks in my city. According to porn, they’re all pretty hot as well. Though I do like the mocha chicks a little more. Kinda like those hot Indian babes (from India) that have that lighter skin.

Meh. Maybe I should just get a cat….then again, you have to work for the affection of those moody little fuckers as well.

I Hope I’m Not Interrupting

February 7th, 2011 • Random • No comments

In my new office building, the front desk has an Asian chick and a White guy, and it feels weird when I walk by them, because, you know, the chick is Asian and the dude is White, so naturally they’re just sitting there wanting to mate with each other but can’t…I feel like I’m interrupting something.

Hey Baby

February 7th, 2011 • Babes, Video • No comments

A – this song is awesome. B – the black chick at the start is pretty hot. Or maybe she’s Latino…or something. I can’t really tell. I feel like Don LaFontaine on Family Guy as he narrates trying to figure Dwayne Johnsons (The Rock) ethnicity.

Hot Waitress At The Bar

February 6th, 2011 • Babes • No comments

So I was at the bar tonight with a couple buddies, and the waitress comes up to chat and see what we want. She starts off by bragging that she won a $100 thanks to the Packers winning the Super Bowl tonight.

Here’s how it went:

Hot waitress I have no chance with: Hey boys! How are you guys tonight?
Me: We’re good thanks.
HWIHNCW: Oh I’m great thanks! I just won a hundred dollars from my man friend. He won a Super Bowl bet, and I asked him if I could have a hundred dollars and he gave it to me!
Me: Wow, that must be awesome! You know, it’s pretty easy to get a straight guy to do whatever you want.
HWIHNCW: Well, he’s my new man friend and he just bought me a couch, television, iPhone.
Me: Damn, I wish I had a lady friend like that that buy’s me stuff and gives me money. What’s next on your wish list?
HWIHNCW: Oh, well, it’s not like that. He’s a plumber and he use to not have money, so I would cover him, but now that’s making good money, he’s just paying me back. He’s a really great guy.
Me: Right.

See how I pretty much called her out on being a gold digger? That’s skill right there. Total BS that her “man friend” was just paying her back for her covering him when he had no money. PLEASE. I may be short and ugly and an idiot, but even I wouldn’t fall for a story like that.

Anyway, she was smoken hot, and by smoken hot, I mean WOW. My meal was only $11 and I gave her a $10 tip. Like I said, you can get a straight man to do just about anything for you if you’re a hot girl.

Then one of my friends said he noticed one of the girls sitting down the bar checking me out, but what he failed to notice was that I had my credit card out, and said girl was just trying to figure out what kind of card it was, that way she could determine if I’m a high net worth guy that she could get some money from.

Man, the girls at this bar, amazing. Wow. It’s always nice to be in the company of hot women. It’s best to just be around them and not have to talk to them though, as that way I don’t lose any money.

Hell, if Charlie Sheen is having to pay porn stars $30k just to hangout with him, that doesn’t bode well for me, since I don’t make $2 million a week.

New Office Has A Cute Asian Girl

February 4th, 2011 • Babes • No comments

My company finally decided it was time to get us the fuck out of the shithole office we were working out of. This place was next to a highway where you’re basically gauranteed of death, even if the light is green for you. On top of having to take your life into your own hands by just crossing the street to get there, this fucking office barely ever had heat. We would all be sitting there in our jackets, freezing, with numb hands, trying to code and design web sites.

Now, you might be asking “were there at least any cute girls in that office building?” No, there were not. Not a single one. Unless you’re into middle aged female smokers. Plus there was this one lady that worked right across the hall from us that we would commonly refer to as Snooki’s Mom. This chick was on the phone constantly, was middle aged, with a fake tan and fake hair. I’d still do her.

So today we finally moved to the new office, and its a big shared floor with a bunch of other company’s. We have about 4 offices on that floor. The floor has one shared front office area with a really cute Asian girl that I would definitely do.

Now, as you many know, I have repeatedly proven that all Asian women are racist bitches that only like Caucasian or Asian guys, but, like all straight men who think there may even be a 0.00001% chance of having sex with a girl, I still hold out hope.

The best part of the new office is that it’s attached to the biggest mall in the Province, which is flooded with hot women on a 24/7 basis. You can just sit there at a bench in the mall and watch one perfect 10 after another walk by.

I just hope the movers remembered to bring my computer as I forgot to label it. Fuck.

Hot Girls On Transit

January 31st, 2011 • Babes, Transit • No comments

Man, I was on my way to work this morning, and as I stepped out of my buildings lobby, there was this meh looking Asian chick with a killer body that walked by.

I was thinking of talking to her, but then I remembered I have no shot in hell with Asian girls. I visualized in my head what it would be like if I went up to her and talked to her, and it went something like this:
Me: Hey, how are you?”
Racist Asian: *thinks to herself: Who the hell is this terrorist?* (I’m middle eastern). Uh…okay…I have to go now. Bye.

Whatever.

I got to the train station, and good lord there was gorgeous red head standing at the train platform. I’ve recently had a thing for red heads. Might be because of Lois from Family Guy, who knows. Anyway, I figured chatting with her really had no upside whatsoever, other than stroking her probably already inflated ego, so I said F it.

I get onto the train and there was this hot blond sitting already giving me a dirty look before I even had a chance to decide whether or not I wanted to have sex with her not. Then again, I’m a guy, so wanting to have sex with her is my default state.

That red head was hot though.

You know what else is hot, hot girls that smell really good. Even ugly girls that smell really good, their scent is so over powering that you still want to do it with them…and bite them. But you’ll end up in prison of you do that, so I wouldn’t suggest it. Not that I’ve tried it, but I assume that’s what would happen. Sometimes I get the feeling that even trying to say Hi to a girl is grounds for the cops to arrest me.

Meh.

I Can’t Help But Look

January 30th, 2011 • Random • No comments

I met a girl from POF earlier today, and she was actually really cute and cool. She also had big tits which was an added bonus. They looked pretty nice.

They were fresh looking. They looked clean, from what I could tell. You know sometimes when you look at tits and they’re just glowing? That’s what these looked like.

I should clarify that by tits I mean cleavage that showed a lot of the tits. I imagine that if I got to see the full thing, they would be glorious with pink nipples.

Anyway, as we were sitting at Starbucks, all these hot Asian girls kept walking by, and good lord they were fine. I mean Oh.My.God. They were hot.

I couldn’t stop staring. Every time one walked by, I would quickly make sure the girl from POF wasn’t staring and then I’d quickly look over and check out the hot Asian racist girl that I have no chance in hell with.

As much as I bitch and moan about Asian girls, all I want are Asian girls. Something about them. I don’t know what. Maybe it’s because I think they have tight pussy’s since I just assume Asian guys have small penises, so their vagina’s haven’t been stretched out. Kinda makes me think black chicks have larger vagina’s since according to porn all black males have 13 inch penises that sway to the left.

I would totally love to have sex with some hot ass Asian women. I don’t even care if they have no tits, as most are pretty flat, but they have killer bodies.

Hot girls are…hot.

But as men, we’ll usually just have sex with just about any female. It is pussy after all.

There’s a few different ways to look at it.
Have sex with a really hot girl? Afterwards you’re usually wanting to marry her, or at least bang her a few more times.
Have sex with a cute girl? You still want to fuck her some more.
Have sex with a meh chick? Meh, you could go for seconds, but if it doesn’t happen, you don’t care much.
Have sex with a fat ugly chick? You’re immediately regretting it and wanting to get the hell out of there.

I hate it when the fat ugly chicks want to cuddle after. Like, are you serious? I know I’m not Brad Pitt and that your ego is usually pretty large because most men will fuck anything and you haven’t realized this yet, but come on…I rather you leave without saying anything. I got to cum, which was the most important thing, and it’s time to move on.

Maybe I’ll ask out a hot Asian girl tomorrow, but I doubt that’ll happen.

Women And Gays – I Seem To Offend Them All

January 29th, 2011 • Random • No comments

You know, as I get fucking older, I’m starting to realize that women and gays (whether dude or chick), get offended really fucking easily, especially whenever I seem to open my mouth.

I seem to have to be on constant guard on what I say around them. Seriously, it’s fucking stupid. Any little thing can be taken the wrong way, and before you know your hair dresses is shaving your head off or the gay dude wants to have you taken away for a hate crime.

I exaggerate, but only a little. I remember I once said something about tranny’s, which TOTALLY CAME OUT THE WRONG WAY, but it wasn’t offensive, and the girl cutting my hair looked like she was about to take the clippers and go whack my hair.

With straight guys, you don’t have this problem. Us straight men are in a world of our own where literally nothing can offend us, other than making a joke about the size of our genitals.

SHRINKAGE!

Indian Girls Are Also Racist Bitches

January 29th, 2011 • Random • No comments

Indian women (as Tucker Max say’s, dot, not casino), are also racist bitches. But, what you can do is around that by saying you’re a lighter skinned brown guy, as long as you’re not blonde with blue eyes.

Also, tell them you’re name is Mohinder. Mohinder is also a basketball.

The Asian Female KKK Dominates My City

January 29th, 2011 • Babes, Celebs, Video • No comments

Comrades, as I have repeatedly proven here on Facebook, my city is the most racist town, ever. Dominated by the Asian female KKK, your best shot of getting a female is one of the many gold diggers this city has to offer at a $1000 per minute (great deal!). Don’t be sad though, here we have Sara Jean Underwood with UK supermodel friends Rosie Jones, Victoria Moore and Emma Glover. They have…tits…and legs…I kinda lost where I was going with this.

I Can Repel Women For You

January 28th, 2011 • Random • No comments

Do you have a crazy stalker chick after you? Allow me to offer my services as a woman repellent. I have 29 years of experience in this field. By just standing there, in front of the crazy girl, having her see my face, she will run away in horror and never bother you again. $100 per crazy girl. Contact me.

I Can Sense That She’d Rather Be On Fire Than Talk To Me

January 28th, 2011 • Random • No comments

Remember that cute girl at the grocery store that I mentioned? Super cute, friendly, everyone likes her, etc.

Well, a week ago I casually asked her if she’d be interested in some Chinese food, which she laughed and said no, and ever since then I’ve noticed she’s been totally cold to me, and tonight, I could tell that she would rather be on fire or have some hobo licking her face than have to see me again.

I get in line, and it’s quickly my turn and she didn’t even look at me, didn’t say Hi, even after I said Hi twice. I asked if she had plans tonight, and she said “No” like she was going to scream NO so I wouldn’t rape her or something.

Oh man, it was fucking horrible. I think it’s time I quickly give that whole thing up.

I’m supposed to meet a girl on the weekend from POF for a coffee, and I have a feeling it’ll go down the toilet pretty quickly.

The last girl I met a couple weeks ago refuses to see me again. FUCK. She wasn’t even hot. I hate it that shit.

If only Charlie Sheen would invite me to one of his cocaine filled porn star parties.

Charlie Sheen Is A Porn Connoisseur

January 27th, 2011 • Babes, Celebs • No comments

via Twitter@MissKaceyJordan

From TMZ.com
Sources who were present at Charlie’s house during his 36-hour party tell us … after a man delivered a briefcase full of cocaine to the house early Wednesday morning, Charlie pulled out a small green pipe and started smoking cocaine continuously … for hours.

We’re told Charlie, who fancies himself as a porn connoisseur, was questioning his companion about angles and body shots. We’re told the porn star was “surprised” by the depth of Charlie’s knowledge.

I’m just sitting here in amazement of uncle Charlie. Seriously, this man has talent. To be able to sit there for hours with porn stars, snorting cocaine and talking about porn in an artsy way is impressive. I would have just tried to bang each of the porn stars and called it a night.

Would have been the best 30 seconds of my life.

Oh, and the banner is a photo of Kacey Jordan, one of the hot porn stars the greatest uncle ever partied with.

Hot Russian Babes At My Bus Stop

January 27th, 2011 • Babes, Video • No comments

Man, there must have been a mail order bride convention in town or something because there was a crap load of hot Russian babes at my bus stop yesterday morning. And when I say hot, I MEAN hot enough to make me want to learn the old Soviet Union national anthem to sing to them.

You Ever Have A Mentally Challenged Girl Want To Fuck You?

January 24th, 2011 • Random • No comments

Now, most people would say that any female that would want to get it on with me has to be mentally challenged, as no normal person with an IQ over even 10 would want to hook up with yours truly.

Well, I have a story.

I was on Craigslist one night, bored out of my mind, so I decided to post an ad to see if any girls wanted to go for a coffee, and see where it goes.

I post the ad, sit around for a while, and get no responses, unless you count the the responses with “girls” telling me to sign up at a web site to “confirm” who I am, or the hookers, or the gay guys wanting to suck me off. Or the guys that email me saying they’re straight but like to suck dick. No thanks.

Anyway, after a few hours this one girl emails me. She even attached real looking photos! She was pretty cute! I email her back and we set up a time to meet at a Starbucks.

Now I don’t get out that often, so when I finally do decide to go out, I make sure to dress up. Whether it’s to meet a chick or go to Dairy Queen to bring food back, I make sure to look good. Seriously, no one dresses better than me at Dairy Queen. Ask, hater.

I get to Starbucks, and I see her sitting down waiting. I introduce myself, and get a water. She already had a drink. I sit down and start chatting with her and quickly notice that something seems a little off.

She was fidgeting a lot, smiling at me like she was 10 and I had candy for her, and I think the thing that got me thinking that this chick might be a little mentally challenged was her shoes.

They were old man shoes.

Yes, she was wearing old man shoes. I was starting to feel really uncomfortable, so I suggested we go out for a walk. All I could think of was how the fuck do I get out of this.

As we were walking, she kept talking my arm, and trying to hold my hand, but I just kept walking faster.

Oh man, it was horrible. We got to a cross walk and the light was red. As we were standing there, she tried to kiss me on the cheek, but I quickly moved my head away. Phew! I told her I forgot that I had to go help my mom with something, but that she should give me her number and I’ll call her. She started to get all weird and thought I just didn’t want to hangout with her. UMM YES!

I felt like I was trying to reason with a 5 year old. I was praying she wouldn’t make a scene on the street. She eventually gave in and gave me her number….which I crumpled up and threw out as she wasn’t looking.

Oh, and how did she get out to meet me? She took the bus.

No Singing On The Bus Please

January 23rd, 2011 • Transit • No comments

I was on the bus earlier, and there were these two fucking douche bags in the back wearing business suits, chatting with each other while AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME THEY WERE CHATTING ON THEIR CELL PHONES!

These two cunts would not shut the hell up.

I couldn’t beleive these two thought they were cool and thought we were all impressed by them.

First, you’re on the bus. The fact that you have to take the loser cruiser like the rest of us doesn’t impress us. Second, you’re in a business suit on the bus. That makes it even worse because it’s like you’re trying to be cool but you can’t afford a car, so you’re like “oh hey, I’ll go on the bus with my suit and chat on my cell phone like I’m having a business call”. The business call part is even sadder. Seriously. Get a fucking office. Get a Yaris while you’re at it dickhead.

Now, add to this that there was a girl sitting only 3 seats away from them SINGING! Yes, that’s right, she started singing.

When someone starts singing, usually they’re listening to music and get caught up in the song, but no, this girl had no iPod, no Zune, no nothing. Just her voice.

I’ll give her credit, her voice wasn’t bad, but it couldn’t drown out the two dick heads, plus, when mixed with the two dick heads, it was worse than me having to try and talk to a girl, and if you know anything about me, you know that that is really bad.

There were three really hot girls on the bus though. I had no chance with them, but that’s not really anything new…

Oh…Vanessa Williams just started on my Zune.

Fuck you, it’s good shit, haters.

I Like Hot Goth Girls

January 22nd, 2011 • Babes • No comments

I was shopping for a mens’ carry all (or a messenger bag as I like to call it) today, and I went into this one store on my street that always has some hot by unique looking girls working in there.

On this day, there was a really hot goth girl in there. I love goth girls. You just know they’re into freaky shit. They look so naughty. When you look into their eyes, you can tell that they would have no problems with morning anal with no lube.

Online Dating Is For Morons

January 22nd, 2011 • Random • No comments

The more I go through dating sites, the more I’m convinced online dating is only for fucking retarded people.

It’s all fucking fake. I’m always blown away by this ridiculous profiles.

Online dating is becoming for me what religion is to Bill Maher.

I was in such an annoyed mood this morning that I went online and made the world’s most ridiculous list…ever.

I got a few rules if you’re going to message me.

1. If in all of your pictures you are at a club, don’t message me.
2. If most of your pictures have you with a drink in your hand, don’t message me. I don’t want to go to your AA meetings.
3. If in your pictures you’re kissing guys on their cheeks, don’t message me.
4. If you’re best friend is a straight guy, don’t message me. AS IF two straight people of the opposite sex can be best friends without wanting to get it on. PLEASE.
5. If you’re a racist, don’t message me. So that basically means if you’re Asian, East Indian, or White, or Hispanic, don’t message me. You’re all ONLY into your own race or white guys. Especially you Asian girls. It’s like dealing with the Asian KKK.
6. If you like to call your boyfriend “ma boo” and like to be called “baby girl”, don’t message me.
7. If you’re a Scorpio, don’t message me.
8. If you’re a gold digger, don’t message me. That basically means if you live in the CITY OF VANCOUVER, don’t message me, as anything with a vagina in Vancouver is a gold digger.
9. If you’re over the age of 20 and still dress like an emo highschool girl, don’t message me.
10. If you’ve been in a porno before, or have advertised on craigslist in the erotic section, don’t message me.
11. If you’re really overweight and refuse to lose the weight because you like being a “BBW”, don’t message me. Seriously. It’s unhealthy.
12. If you smoke, or do any drugs, don’t message me.
13. If you expect me to pay for your vacations, refer to #8.
14. If you like to go to Vegas a few times a year with “ma gurls” and bang a bunch of guys because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, don’t message me.
15. If you love to show off your tits in your photos, don’t message me.
16. If you want me to spend $200 a month for your hair, refer to #8.
17. If you think all men are disgusting because we like dirty jokes, etc, don’t message me.
18. If you spit in public, don’t message me.
19. If you don’t go to the dentist, don’t message me.
20. If you don’t shower at least once a day, don’t message me.
21. If you wear the same underwear for days, don’t message me.
22. If you think McDonalds is fine dining, don’t message me.

I’m pretty sure I’ll still end up having a few people message me. Probably some hermaphrodite with more hair coming out of it’s ass than on it’s head.

PlentyOfFish Profiles

January 20th, 2011 • Random • No comments

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but good fucking lord do the girls on plentyoffish.com ever write the longest books…eerr profiles about themselves.

No straight man can possibly get passed the first two sentences. Honestly, the only way any straight male could get through it all is if he has a gay male friend that can sit there and read the whole thing, and then give him the cliffnotes version of it all.

I was browsing it earlier and wow! There sure are a lot of successful 21 year old women that are self employed and that have travelled the world! Being an international hooker must be good business!

Fucking Flaky White Stuff

January 20th, 2011 • Transit, Video • No comments

As Scottie Pippen once said, what the fuck is up with this flaky white stuff?!

And unlike Scottie Pippen who was talking about deodorant (though I think he was in a back handed way saying white people), I’m talking about it fucking snowing today.

I wake up, look outside, and it’s wet out. I don’t see any snow. I put on the news, watch the weatherman, and he doesn’t say shit all about the snow. Great! It’s only going to rain today. Excellent. I would prefer the sun and a cameltoed 19 year blond with big tits, but hey, sometimes you gotta settle for rain and fat chicks. That’s life.

I get outside, and notice some wet snow hitting the ground. It’s not sticking, which is great. I start walking to work. As I get closer to the train station, I notice that there is some snow sticking, but not much, so on we go.

By the way, many hot girls on the train that I have no chance in hell with, but as the hot Asian girls that I have no chance with like to say, whatevz.

I get to my destination, and holy shit, snow everywhere! MOTHER FUCK! My shoes are fucking Puma’s. They have no grip.

I start walking down the stairs, and whoops! I slip and take some random dude down with me. It was a fucking bitch I tell you.

Luckily the dude I took down was cool, and really just ended up bruising my hip. The walk to the bust stop wasn’t any better, but I didn’t slip.

What the fuck weatherman!? Were you busy getting a blowjob from your intern or something?

As Larry David said, he’s a very slick weatherman.

Scottie Pippen.

You Really Shouldn’t Use Cancer As A Fake Excuse

January 19th, 2011 • WTF • No comments

via http://veryspecialporn.tumblr.com/page/2#2385737638

I was vegging out from the gym earlier, laying on my couch, watching TV, when a commercial for cancer research came on.

Now, I don’t know how, but somehow this resurrected what had been a repressed memory for many years.

What was this memory you ask? Oh, I’ll tell you.

Many years ago when I was still a moron thinking I could meet women, I was browsing the net and started chatting with this girl in a chat room. Things were going well, we exchanged pictures and we agreed to meet for a coffee.

I told her I’d pick her up (I had a car years ago) at the train station and we could go sit at a coffee shop somewhere. I drive down to the train station and pick her up.

Now, fuck, she really wasn’t as good as she was in her pictures, but whatever. I start driving to the coffee shop, and out of nowhere she says to me that she forgot she has to go to her chemotherapy treatment in an hour.

I was totally blown away. Cancer?! I offered to drop her off at her doctors but she said she’d just take the train.

I drop her off at the train station, and about 3 minutes later she sends me a text saying “I made the cancer thing up, I’m just not into you”.

Now, I didn’t go home crying like a little bitch about it, as I was more just astonished that someone would make up an excuse like that to not have to hangout with me.

I think I liked it more when this memory was repressed.

Damn Gay Guy

January 18th, 2011 • Random • No comments

First, let me say I have nothing against gays, as by my last count, almost all of my friends are gay, and I think I only have about 4 friends…though that may be a bit generous.

I was at the grocery store earlier and I was totally set to ask out that cute girl that works there, but unfortunately she wasn’t working. Meh, I they had another cute girl working so I figured I could at least start up a conversation with her.

I go stand in line, and whataya know, the gay guy that totally has a thing for me opens the line next to her and waves me over. I couldn’t be a dick about it and say “No thanks, I want to hit on her and try to get laid”.

He’s a nice guy, and sure, it’s flattering that someone has a thing for me. Unfortunately whenever someone has a thing for me, it’s a gay guy. I kidd you not. Seriously. I do well with the gays for some reason, but the straight women just do not like me.

For the record, I’m 100% militantly straight and if you have a vagina I am willing to prove to you right now. All that’s required is for you to let me stick my penis inside you.

Anyway, I’ve seen this guy at my gym, on the bus, etc, and I know he’s being more than just friendly as he totally wants me.

Fuck, it’s like I have a gay stalker.

A bisexual female stalker would be nice. A really hot one with a cameltoe (why does Google Chrome keep telling me I’m spelling cameltoe wrong? They need to add it to this things dictionary), big luscious tits, a size 0, and have hot female friends that want to join in. That kind of stalker would be nice.

He’s not your typical gay guy either. He’s fat, and not like that big bear gay guy fat, more like a big nice fat guy.

I’ll have to go back to the grocery store tomorrow and see if I can muster up the courage to ask that girl out for a drink.

Fat Chicks

January 18th, 2011 • Babes, Celebs, Sex • No comments

You know, I’m 29, take care of myself, in excellent shape, and I consider myself good looking and awesome (fuck you, I am).

Yet, here I am, still having to troll craigslist and have nothing to see other than fat chicks.

You may be asking yourself, “Well, if you’re so awesome why can’t you get a hot girl?”. Well, I’ll tell you, smart ass. It’s because I live in a town that’s filled with nothing but Asian bitches that only like Asian guys or white guys. So, a non-white boy like myself has limited options when he lives in the Asian KKK town.

As I was saying, I’m stuck browsing Craigslist and other online dating sites, and all I see are fat girls that like to call themselves BBW’s. If you’re not familiar with that term, it stands for Big Beautiful Woman. It’s just fucking ridiculous. Whatever happened to just saying fat?

Have you ever seen one of these girls naked? Rolls all over the place. It’s like that episode of family guy where Peter has that chick who’s name I forget that was dating Jack Nicholson sleep in his fat rolls. I COULD LITERALLY SLEEP IN THEIR FAT ROLLS.

Meh. Whatever. I ain’t hitting that.

I would like to hit this though….in a sexual way. This being Rosie Jones in Page 3. Oh yes. Look at those sweet tits and great flat stomach. No rolls there!

Olivia Munn Has Nice Tits

January 17th, 2011 • Babes, Video • No comments

She was on the late show talking about something or whatever, I wasn’t really paying attention. But man, a hot girl that thinks she’s funny, that’s a double threat right there.

You just gotta laugh with her and hope for the best…the best being getting to lay your head on those tits.

It’s really hard with hot girls. It’s almost like they’re all smart, funny, close with their family, self employed, traveled the world (this is all the crap they write about themselves in their personal ads), etc. It’s all non-sense. I’m just waiting it out until they’re over 30 and no guy wants them.

Got to get them when they’re desperate. Yes sir.

Me Don’t Love You Long Time

January 16th, 2011 • Babes, Sex • No comments

via HuffingtonPost

Now for some frigid news from Japan that has nothing to do with winter temperatures: a new government-commissioned study finds that young Japanese men are losing their interest in sex, yet another warning sign in a nation notorious for its low birth rate.

According to the AFP, a whopping 36.1 percent of teenage boys between the ages of 16-19 said they had little to no interest in sex, and in some cases even despised it, more than twice the 2008 figure of 17.5 percent. Futhermore, the survey, conducted in September 2010, reportedly found that 83.7 percent of Japanese men who turned 20 this year were not dating anyone, while 49.3 percent said they had never had a girlfriend. Girls, it seems, are suffering from a similar lack of heat: 59 percent in the same age group felt the same way, up 12 percentage points from 2008.

Kunio Kitamura, head of the clinic of the Japan Family Planning Association which took part in the survey, said the data confirms a wider social belief that younger Japanese men are becoming “herbivorous,” a label attached to passive men who do not actively seek women and sex. Many younger people were opting to delay starting a family due to the perceived burden on their finances, lifestyles and careers. “The findings seem to reflect the increasing shallowness of human relations in today’s busy society.” Kitamura is quoted by CNN as saying.

I don’t find this to be too surprising. You ever hangout with an Asian chick? As frigid as my nuts in the arctic. And Japanese guys…well, have half of them are done up more than the girls are.

I think I’ve mentioned this a few times in my previous posts.

Though, I am a little jealous of these Japanese boys, as sometimes I wish I’d lose my sex drive. You’d think my sex drive would figure it out by now that all the girls in my town are racist (because they’re all Asian) so there’s no point in wanting me to mate.

Oh, and I have no idea who that girl in the banner photo is. Another hot Japanese girl that I have no chance with.