Bible Study In The Nude

June 11th, 2010 • Random
Tags: asian, Asian Girl, Bible, Bible Study

I was browsing through Craigslist earlier, seeing what the Gold Diggers were wanting, and look at what I found, an Asian chick offering Bible Study classes in the nude!

Now, I’ve never been to a bible study class, but I assume there’s bunch of people in it, so it’s not a 1 on 1.

Imagine sitting in that class with one small Asian chick completely naked reading the Bible while there’s a bunch of grown men with erections, fully clothed, all sitting there.

“Yeah…so…I gotta get going now…”

Anyway, I refreshed the ad, and as it turns out, it was a fake and it was flagged for removal. I bet 99% of all the women seeking men ads on Craigslist are from men pretending to be women just to collect pictures of guys.

Why Can’t I Own A Canadian?

June 5th, 2010 • Babes, Random
Tags: Bible, Canada, Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Being a Canadian myself, I really don’t want anyone to own me, unless its Megan Fox, or Miranda Kerr, or Angelina Jolie, or, well, basically any female that’ll take me. Standards, bitches.

Anyway, I came across this hilarious open letter to Dr. Laura (who loves to quote God’s law apparently) that was written by a listener of hers. HIL-AR-IOUS.

Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Apparently it was copied from this episode of the West Wing.