Girls | Dude On The Bus!

Posts Tagged ‘girls’

Young Chubby Girls

May 19th, 2011 • Random
Tags: Chubby, Fat, girls

You ever look at a young chubby girl, and go “hmmm…yah, not bad”. By young, I mean 18-23. It seems to be that that’s their prime before we just call them fat. By we, I mean men.

It’s interesting, from an evolutionary perspective, that when our brain looks at said chubby female, it can figure out that she’s still young and fertile enough to be considered “yah…she’s cute, I’d fuck her”, where as if she was any older, said awesome brain would say “meh…she’s kinda old and fat…”

It’s almost summer now, and I’ve been seeing a bunch of these younger chubby girls walking around lately, and I don’t know, they seem to look very fuckable. I’m also very desperate for any female attention at the moment, but…that’s not the point.

I Make Alan Harper Look Good

February 11th, 2011 • Random
Tags: girls

So, another Friday night, and I’m at home, watching TV. Unlike most Friday nights where I have absolutely nothing to do other than watch TV and repress my rage, I have laundry to do tonight as well, so that makes it a little better.

I don’t want to meet a person that doesn’t like fresh towels.

It does get a little frustrating though, as I live in the racist capital of…the world…with the most expensive women. Honest to God, even the fat girls cost an arm and a leg, and thats when they’re not trying to eat your arm and leg.

I see beautiful women everyday on my way to work, and I feel like God is just trying to punish me. I know I have no shot in hell with them, yet, everywhere I turn, there they are, hot, fit, with pink nipples (I’ll just assume).

There’s a hot girl that works on my office floor, but unfortunately she’s Asian, and as I have proven here many times, all Asian women are racist bitches that only like white or Asian men. She’s also tall, which, is interesting because you don’t see many tall Asian chicks. So not only do I have no shot with her because of me not being white or Asian, but I’ve got the short thing against me as well.

I wish there were some black chicks in my city. According to porn, they’re all pretty hot as well. Though I do like the mocha chicks a little more. Kinda like those hot Indian babes (from India) that have that lighter skin.

Meh. Maybe I should just get a cat….then again, you have to work for the affection of those moody little fuckers as well.

Hot Girls On Transit

January 31st, 2011 • Babes, Transit
Tags: girls, Tansit

Man, I was on my way to work this morning, and as I stepped out of my buildings lobby, there was this meh looking Asian chick with a killer body that walked by.

I was thinking of talking to her, but then I remembered I have no shot in hell with Asian girls. I visualized in my head what it would be like if I went up to her and talked to her, and it went something like this:
Me: Hey, how are you?”
Racist Asian: *thinks to herself: Who the hell is this terrorist?* (I’m middle eastern). Uh…okay…I have to go now. Bye.

Whatever.

I got to the train station, and good lord there was gorgeous red head standing at the train platform. I’ve recently had a thing for red heads. Might be because of Lois from Family Guy, who knows. Anyway, I figured chatting with her really had no upside whatsoever, other than stroking her probably already inflated ego, so I said F it.

I get onto the train and there was this hot blond sitting already giving me a dirty look before I even had a chance to decide whether or not I wanted to have sex with her not. Then again, I’m a guy, so wanting to have sex with her is my default state.

That red head was hot though.

You know what else is hot, hot girls that smell really good. Even ugly girls that smell really good, their scent is so over powering that you still want to do it with them…and bite them. But you’ll end up in prison of you do that, so I wouldn’t suggest it. Not that I’ve tried it, but I assume that’s what would happen. Sometimes I get the feeling that even trying to say Hi to a girl is grounds for the cops to arrest me.

Meh.

I Can’t Help But Look

January 30th, 2011 • Random
Tags: asian, girls

I met a girl from POF earlier today, and she was actually really cute and cool. She also had big tits which was an added bonus. They looked pretty nice.

They were fresh looking. They looked clean, from what I could tell. You know sometimes when you look at tits and they’re just glowing? That’s what these looked like.

I should clarify that by tits I mean cleavage that showed a lot of the tits. I imagine that if I got to see the full thing, they would be glorious with pink nipples.

Anyway, as we were sitting at Starbucks, all these hot Asian girls kept walking by, and good lord they were fine. I mean Oh.My.God. They were hot.

I couldn’t stop staring. Every time one walked by, I would quickly make sure the girl from POF wasn’t staring and then I’d quickly look over and check out the hot Asian racist girl that I have no chance in hell with.

As much as I bitch and moan about Asian girls, all I want are Asian girls. Something about them. I don’t know what. Maybe it’s because I think they have tight pussy’s since I just assume Asian guys have small penises, so their vagina’s haven’t been stretched out. Kinda makes me think black chicks have larger vagina’s since according to porn all black males have 13 inch penises that sway to the left.

I would totally love to have sex with some hot ass Asian women. I don’t even care if they have no tits, as most are pretty flat, but they have killer bodies.

Hot girls are…hot.

But as men, we’ll usually just have sex with just about any female. It is pussy after all.

There’s a few different ways to look at it.
Have sex with a really hot girl? Afterwards you’re usually wanting to marry her, or at least bang her a few more times.
Have sex with a cute girl? You still want to fuck her some more.
Have sex with a meh chick? Meh, you could go for seconds, but if it doesn’t happen, you don’t care much.
Have sex with a fat ugly chick? You’re immediately regretting it and wanting to get the hell out of there.

I hate it when the fat ugly chicks want to cuddle after. Like, are you serious? I know I’m not Brad Pitt and that your ego is usually pretty large because most men will fuck anything and you haven’t realized this yet, but come on…I rather you leave without saying anything. I got to cum, which was the most important thing, and it’s time to move on.

Maybe I’ll ask out a hot Asian girl tomorrow, but I doubt that’ll happen.

The Asian Female KKK Dominates My City

January 29th, 2011 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: Asian girls, girls

Comrades, as I have repeatedly proven here on Facebook, my city is the most racist town, ever. Dominated by the Asian female KKK, your best shot of getting a female is one of the many gold diggers this city has to offer at a $1000 per minute (great deal!). Don’t be sad though, here we have Sara Jean Underwood with UK supermodel friends Rosie Jones, Victoria Moore and Emma Glover. They have…tits…and legs…I kinda lost where I was going with this.

I Can Sense That She’d Rather Be On Fire Than Talk To Me

January 28th, 2011 • Random
Tags: girls, grocery store

Remember that cute girl at the grocery store that I mentioned? Super cute, friendly, everyone likes her, etc.

Well, a week ago I casually asked her if she’d be interested in some Chinese food, which she laughed and said no, and ever since then I’ve noticed she’s been totally cold to me, and tonight, I could tell that she would rather be on fire or have some hobo licking her face than have to see me again.

I get in line, and it’s quickly my turn and she didn’t even look at me, didn’t say Hi, even after I said Hi twice. I asked if she had plans tonight, and she said “No” like she was going to scream NO so I wouldn’t rape her or something.

Oh man, it was fucking horrible. I think it’s time I quickly give that whole thing up.

I’m supposed to meet a girl on the weekend from POF for a coffee, and I have a feeling it’ll go down the toilet pretty quickly.

The last girl I met a couple weeks ago refuses to see me again. FUCK. She wasn’t even hot. I hate it that shit.

If only Charlie Sheen would invite me to one of his cocaine filled porn star parties.

You Really Shouldn’t Use Cancer As A Fake Excuse

January 19th, 2011 • WTF
Tags: girls

via http://veryspecialporn.tumblr.com/page/2#2385737638

I was vegging out from the gym earlier, laying on my couch, watching TV, when a commercial for cancer research came on.

Now, I don’t know how, but somehow this resurrected what had been a repressed memory for many years.

What was this memory you ask? Oh, I’ll tell you.

Many years ago when I was still a moron thinking I could meet women, I was browsing the net and started chatting with this girl in a chat room. Things were going well, we exchanged pictures and we agreed to meet for a coffee.

I told her I’d pick her up (I had a car years ago) at the train station and we could go sit at a coffee shop somewhere. I drive down to the train station and pick her up.

Now, fuck, she really wasn’t as good as she was in her pictures, but whatever. I start driving to the coffee shop, and out of nowhere she says to me that she forgot she has to go to her chemotherapy treatment in an hour.

I was totally blown away. Cancer?! I offered to drop her off at her doctors but she said she’d just take the train.

I drop her off at the train station, and about 3 minutes later she sends me a text saying “I made the cancer thing up, I’m just not into you”.

Now, I didn’t go home crying like a little bitch about it, as I was more just astonished that someone would make up an excuse like that to not have to hangout with me.

I think I liked it more when this memory was repressed.

Damn Gay Guy

January 18th, 2011 • Random
Tags: girls

First, let me say I have nothing against gays, as by my last count, almost all of my friends are gay, and I think I only have about 4 friends…though that may be a bit generous.

I was at the grocery store earlier and I was totally set to ask out that cute girl that works there, but unfortunately she wasn’t working. Meh, I they had another cute girl working so I figured I could at least start up a conversation with her.

I go stand in line, and whataya know, the gay guy that totally has a thing for me opens the line next to her and waves me over. I couldn’t be a dick about it and say “No thanks, I want to hit on her and try to get laid”.

He’s a nice guy, and sure, it’s flattering that someone has a thing for me. Unfortunately whenever someone has a thing for me, it’s a gay guy. I kidd you not. Seriously. I do well with the gays for some reason, but the straight women just do not like me.

For the record, I’m 100% militantly straight and if you have a vagina I am willing to prove to you right now. All that’s required is for you to let me stick my penis inside you.

Anyway, I’ve seen this guy at my gym, on the bus, etc, and I know he’s being more than just friendly as he totally wants me.

Fuck, it’s like I have a gay stalker.

A bisexual female stalker would be nice. A really hot one with a cameltoe (why does Google Chrome keep telling me I’m spelling cameltoe wrong? They need to add it to this things dictionary), big luscious tits, a size 0, and have hot female friends that want to join in. That kind of stalker would be nice.

He’s not your typical gay guy either. He’s fat, and not like that big bear gay guy fat, more like a big nice fat guy.

I’ll have to go back to the grocery store tomorrow and see if I can muster up the courage to ask that girl out for a drink.

So, She Didn’t Cancel

January 16th, 2011 • Babes, Random, Video
Tags: girls

In my previous post, I mentioned that I’m preferring it if girls cancel our hanging out sessions, and was hoping the girl I was going to hangout with later that night and see a movie with would cancel.

She didn’t cancel, but she was late for the movie. We saw the Disney animation, Tangled, which was HILARIOUS.

As I was waiting for her to show up, I was looking at all the hot girls going to the movies. Man, I don’t know how guys that are in relationships can handle being in a relationship, when EVERY fiber in their body is telling them to go and try to mate with these hot women walking around.

There were so many beautiful women, all different nationality’s. The Asian girls were dressed to the 10′s. Damn they are fine. I wish I had a chance with them.

Maybe I should have some plastic surgery on Monday to turn myself into an effeminate Asian boy with a bad hair cut, since that’s all the Asian girls seem to like. Though on my bus ride home there was a Japanese girl with a black guy. It was after midnight and I was starting to wonder if hell had frozen over.

The movie was an animation, and I started thinking, you ever see an animated movie and go “damn, that chick is hot”? What? Don’t judge me. You know you have!

I was thinking it would be funny if the guy is looking at the animated girl while he’s at the movies with his girlfriend and thinks to himself “damn, she’s hotter than my girlfriend”.

After the movie, we went for a appetizer and drink, where I was thinking “yah, I’d hit that”. I was thinking of asking her out again tomorrow for a dinner at this Chinese place I’ve been wanting to try, but….that may have come off as desperate. I mean, she refused to call me the other day on the phone, so…you never know.

I Like It When They Cancel

January 15th, 2011 • Random
Tags: girls

I was supposed to meet up with a girl this morning to hangout, and the from the moment we set the meeting up, to an hour before I was supposed to meet her, I was trying to think of an excuse to get the hell out of it. I don’t know why, but I just had no interest in hanging out with her. She’s good looking, normal, and fun, but meh.

So about an hour before I was supposed to meet her, I logged on to MSN and she sent a message saying she got called into work because someone else was sick. YES!

Now, I have no idea if she was just making that up because she didn’t want to hangout either, but whatever, I didn’t care, I was happy.

I’m supposed to meet another friend tonight for a movie, and there’s really no way I can get out of that unless she cancels on me, which I’m hoping she’ll do.

The movie starts at 9, and she pretty much wants to meet right before the movie starts. No meeting for a coffee first, or a drink, or anything, and wants the late show, and then to go home after. How boring is that? Maybe that’s her way of only seeing me for a bit, and then getting the hell out of there. Either way, I’m hoping she cancels.

Maybe if they were both hot, cameltoed , tanned blondes with perfect, luscious, round breasts and small nipples, I wouldn’t be hoping that they’d cancel…..but meh.

According to this Dr, I should be honest about it. BAH!