Lindsay Lohan.Topless.Machete.I Like.

September 5th, 2010 • Babes, Celebs
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Machete, Topless

Forgive the crappy quality of these screen caps I found online of Lindsay Lohan’s latest movie, Machete. I haven’t seen it yet, but apparently her role in it is super small. Mainly her topless. so I figure this is her entire scene in the movie.

The movie actually looks pretty good, and it has Jessica Alba in it, who is always very good at being hot and looking like she’s pissed off and wants to kill you.

That’s hot.

Lindsay Lohan Has A Maserati

August 28th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Lindsay Lohan

Someone on God’s green Earth needs to fucking explain to me how a chick that was just released from prison, has addictions ranging from jelly beans, to crack, cock, and vagina, and hasn’t worked in ages (minus the photo shoots she did before going to prison), plus had to go to court because she was driving around like a maniac and allegedly kidnapped people or something.

Meh. Whatever. I’d do her.

Lindsay Lohan. Maxim. I Like

August 12th, 2010 • Babes, Celebs
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Maxim, Maxim Magazine

The world’s most famous drug addicted former actress ginger, Lindsay Lohan is in the latest issue of Maxim.

I’d hit that.

Lindsay Lohan Is In Vogue Italy

August 10th, 2010 • Babes, Celebs
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Vogue Italy

Here we have Lindsay Lohan in the latest issue of Vogue Italy, and good lord, being in prison and going to rehab and not being around her parents has been great for her.

I would so do her.

I may have to fly down to California and tempt her with some alcohol. Here Lindsay….Here Lindsay!

Lindsay Lohan. Maxim Magazine

August 4th, 2010 • Babes, Celebs
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Maxim Magazine

Lindsay Lohan is featured on the September issue of Maxim.

Wow going to jail has been great for her. Look at all this work she’s been getting.

I’d do her.

Deep thoughts, I know. You’re welcome.

Lindsay Lohan As Linda Lovelace

August 2nd, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Inferno, Linda Lovelace, Lindsay Lohan, Tyler Shields

According to reports, Lindsay’s already been replaced as Linda Lovelace in Inferno, but here’s the pictures she did with Tyler Shields for the movie.

Nothing against Tyler Shields, but Lindsay needs to look trashy and skanky for her to do anything for me. Kinda like in these pictures.

Lindsay Lohan Goes To Jail. Probably No Lesbian Sex

July 20th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: 90 Days, Jail, Lindsay Lohan, Prison

Lindsay Lohan started her 90 day jail stint today, and she’ll be all by herself, so the other inmates won’t get to scissor with her. How unfortunate.

Lindsay Lohan.Complex Magazine.I Like.

July 19th, 2010 • Celebs, Video
Tags: Complex Magazine, Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan appears in the August issue of the appropriately (for her) titled magazine, Complex, looking not bad. I’m sure the lesbians in prison will love to see this.

Lindsay Lohan Topless In GQ Germany Before Jail. Lesbian’s Are Now Wet.

July 16th, 2010 • Celebs, Video
Tags: GQ Germany, Lesbian, Lesbians, Lindsay Lohan

Here’s the photo shoot video for the GQ Germany August 2010 issue that Lindsay Lohan did with Ellen von Unwerth.

You know, I have to say, for a chick that does nothing but party, drugs, and drink redbull like its water, she’s still in pretty good shape. I’d totally do her. Unfortunately those mean lesbians in prison have first dibs on her.

Lesbian Prison Gangs Waiting to Get Hands on Lindsay Lohan, Inmate Says

July 14th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Lesbian Prison Gangs, Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan Prison

Hollywood has led me to believe that lesbian’s in prison are hot, blonde, have big tits and and wear nothing underneath their prison outfits, but, somehow I think Lindsay will be getting lesbian’s that look Berta from Two And A Half Men.

From Fox News:

Inmates of the jail where Lindsay Lohan is set to spend up to 90 days have warned of gangs out to attack the starlet, saying “everyone will want a piece of her,” one inmate said in an interview with The Sun.

Lindsay Lohan will leave her Hollywood pad next week and move into new digs at the Lynwood correctional facility in Los Angeles. But instead of wild showbiz parties and a plush double bed to curl up in afterwards, the actress will be locked up for 23 hours a day in a tiny cell with a rock-hard bunk and a single blanket.

Inmates told The Sun of the brutal conditions inside the prison, where Lohan’s A-list neighbors reportedly will be replaced with tough guards and fearsome lesbian gangs desperate to get their hands on her.

Hey, it’s worse for a guy. What could possibly happen to Lindsay if she were to drop the soap?

Lindsay Lohan Is A Dirty Nun

July 14th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Machete

Lindsay Lohan is dressed as a nun and licks a gun in new Machete poster. Hey that rhymed!

Michael Lohan Is Going To Call Lindsay Lohan From The Bar And Make Her Jealous

July 7th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Bar, Jealous, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, Worst Father In The World

Michael Lohan, AKA the worst father in the world, decided to go to a strip club after Lindsay was sentenced to prison. Obviously, what sane father wouldn’t do that?

And then, just to rub it in a little, he told TMZ that he’s going to call Lindsay from the bar to make her jealous. WTF?

I take back everything I ever said about Lindsay Lohan. No wonder she’s so fucked up. Having him as a father and that train wreck cow as a mother, I’m surprised she’s not out trying to eat babies and taking kittens by their tails and throwing them into traffic.

Lindsay Lohan Takes Neat Notes

July 7th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Guilty, Lindsay Lohan, Probation

Lindsay Lohan was found guilty of violating her probation and sentenced (plus served with notice that she’s being sued for over $17,000 for stealing from a designer store) to 90 days in jail, but what I find the most interesting is how her neat her note taking is.

Look at that!

Reminds me of the time I had a hot girl working at a bar write in a birthday card for me that I was sending to a chick anonymously.

I wonder if Lohan will be anyone’s bitch in prison. She already likes chicks.

Lindsay Lohans Cocaine Breath Smells Like Crushed Breath Mint

June 30th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Cocaine, Crushed Breath Mint, Lindsay Lohan, Santa Monica PD

Man, becoming a cop in California must be the fucking easiest job in the world, TMZ reports:

Now we know why Lindsay Lohan’s 2007 DUI case may have plea bargained so quickly — the cop who took custody of the cocaine mistook it for a breath mint and threw it in the trash.

Pretty incredible, but according to the Santa Monica Police report — obtained by TMZ — the officer “discovered a folded Clinique sun care card with an unknown substance caked on to the surface of the card in Lohan’s right rear pocket.”

The report goes on: “Some of the white substance fell to the floor. I used my foot to see what had fell but thought nothing of it. I did not recognize the substance attached to the card and initially thought the substance was a wet crushed breath mint.”

And now it gets good: “I put the card into the jail trash can next to the booking windows. I was looking at the floor and began to recognize the substance as resembling powder cocaine. I then recovered the card from the trash.”

The cop says the coke was in the trash for about 2 minutes. He put the card in an evidence envelope, then scooped up the coke that had fallen to the floor and placed it in a separate evidence envelope.

In short — EVIDENCE CONTAMINATION!!!

Lindsay ended up with a sweet deal and spent 84 minutes in jail … for a drunken, cocaine-fueled chase on Pacific Coast Highway. Nice deal if you can get it.

Honestly, what’s the requirement for becoming a cop in California? Be able to drive real fast and breath at the sametime?

Lindsay Lohan Will Pose Nude

June 22nd, 2010 • Uncategorized
Tags: 6126, Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan Nude, Print Ads

Well, after seeing the banner picture, who wouldn’t want to see Lindsay Lohan nude, oh baby, US Magazine reports:

Lindsay Lohan is ready to take it all off again for the cameras — with or without her booze bracelet.

The 23-year-old star will pose nude in print ads for her 6126 line of handbags, LAmag.com reported Monday. Richard Luna of The California Bag (which licenses the 6126 totes) told the magazine that Lohan will doff her clothes and roll around in a bed for a photo shoot in L.A. next month.

Luna wasn’t sure whether Lohan’s court-mandated SCRAM bracelet would be part of the racy pictorial. “We’re thinking of having police on hand so we can remove the ankle bracelet for the pictures.”

He then noted that the actress might be photographed both with and without the alcohol-monitoring device — or the accessory might be airbrushed later on.

Hitting pricey department stores this fall, the 6126 (named after Marilyn Monroe’s birthdate) handbags will retail for $200 to $600; a cheaper line, 7286 (Lohan’s birth date), will sell for under $200 at lower-end stores such as Macy’s.

Is there anything left to see? Does she have holes that other women don’t? Unless Megan Fox is in the background licking her own nipples, I don’t really care.

Lindsay Lohan Confuses Me

June 13th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, SCRAM

Lindsay Lohan needs to stop pulling at my heart strings, one day she looks all bloated, the the next, she’s looking like Lindsay Lohan, which isn’t saying much, but I’d still do her.

I wonder what it’s like having sex with a drug addict that drinks too much that has a SCRAM bracelet around her ankle. Meh, probably like me having sex with any other girl. Once they realize its me they’re doing it with, they have a look in their eyes like they just saw the world’s ugliest dog.

Hey There Sexy

June 12th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Beverly Hills, Bloated, Fat, Lindsay Lohan, Shopping

Lindsay Lohan was walking around Beverly Hills yesterday doing some shopping, and um, is it just me, or does she look like Britney Spears? Oh, and that’s not a compliment.

What the hell is she try to do? Get fat so the SCRAM bracelet doesn’t fit around her ankle anymore?

Fuck look at those tree trunks she calls legs. She could wrap those around her my neck and kill me with one sqeeze.

Though, that would be the most action I’ve gotten in a long time. Would that be a bad way to die?

Well, Duh

June 8th, 2010 • Celebs, Video
Tags: Alcohol, drugs, Lindsay Lohan, SCRAM

Shocking news friends, Lindsay Lohan violated the terms of her parole! OMGz! TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan is a wanted woman — Judge Marsha Revel has just issued a bench warrant for her arrest, and it’s all about the SCRAM.

Bail has been forfeited for the previous hearing. The new bail has been set at $200,000.

There are 5 violations, according to the judge.

We’re going to break it down for you. Lindsay was on probation when she failed to appear in court last month. At that point, Judge Revel revoked her probation and set bail at $100,000. In return for bail, Lindsay promised to appear for a hearing on the probation violation — set for July 6. Because of the SCRAM incident, the $100,000 bail has now been forfeited. Instead of throwing Lindsay in jail pending the July hearing, the judge is allowing her to post new bail — set at $200,000, so she can remain free.

Lindsay’s SCRAM bracelet generated a report to SCRAM officials sometime after the MTV Movie Awards Sunday night.

Sources say the SCRAM data shows evidence of alcohol.

AAWW SHIT, but this can’t be true! Lilo posted a couple hours ago on her Twitter:

My scram wasn’t set off-Its physically impossible considering I’ve nothing for it to go off-All of these false resports are absolutely wrong

This is all because of a FALSE accusation by tabloids& paparazzi& it is fucking digusting- I’ve been more than I’m compliance &feeling great

Christ, this chick is in California, and they don’t do shit out there to Celebs. If she was in Texas, she’d be servicing illegal immigrants right now with free blowjobs.

She should just pose naked for playboy and start doing hardcore porn.

Len Grossman was at the MTV Movie Awards

June 7th, 2010 • Babes, Celebs, Video
Tags: Audrina Patridge, Cameron Diaz, Christina Aguilera, J-WOWW, Katy, Ken Jeong, Kristen Stewart, Len Grossmam, Lily Collins, Lindsay Lohan, MTV Movie Awards, Nicky Hilton, Paris Hilton, Snookie, Snoop Dog, Stephanie Pratt, Tom Cruise, Vanessa Hudgens

The show nobody watches was on last night, featuring Tom Cruise as Len Grossman. But damn, the women were looking fine. Katy Perry and her massive big tits especially.

Represent.

Tom Cruise as Les Grossman. Is it just me or does it look like Jennifer Lopez is wearing a diaper under that skirt?

Katy Perry looks good with any hair colour, thanks to her breasts.

Bleqh.

The Jersey Shore limo. Why not just show up in a trailer?

Snooki looks like one of those girls where after you’ve fucked and she rolls out of bed and you see her rolls, you’d want to chop your penis off.

Vanessa Hudgens has nice boobies.

Christina Aguilera can’t decide if she wants to look like Lady Gaga or Tori Spelling

Is Kristen Stewart 12 or something? Maybe she should just wear some jeans.

Lindsay Lohan took time out from hunting and gathering to show up at the MTV Movie awards.

I was wondering how Tom was at eye level with Cameron Diaz.

I just barfed a little in my mouth. Snooki and J-WoWW

Ken Jeong

Stephanie Pratt showed up with some dude wearing a hat. Why is this girl famous?

Lily Collins needs to get her damn eye brows trimmed.

Oh yes, Audrina Patridge

I am Lindsay Lohan Give Me My Red Bull RAWR!!!!

June 6th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: German Vogue, Lindsay Lohan, Malibu Beach, Vogue

Lindsay Lohan took time out from drinking 20 Red Bull’s a day and munching on carpet to do a photo shoot where she showed off her hunting skills for German Vogue on Malibu Beach yesterday with photographer Ellen Von Unweth.

What’s the theme of this photo shoot? What happens to drug addicts when they stop drinking Red Bull?

Lindsay Lohan has a new BFF

June 4th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: BFF, Drinking, drugs, Lady Victoria "Lady V" Hervey, Lindsay Lohan, SCRAM

Lindsay Lohan has a new BFF, People reports:

Lindsay Lohan has a new member of her entourage: British model and socialite Lady Victoria “Lady V” Hervey. They hooked up at the Cannes Film Festival and have been spotted hanging out at the Sunset Tower Hotel and seeing the Sex and the City sequel together.

Lindsay Lohan has an entourage? A human entourage? I thought the only things that followed her around where drugs, alochol, and semen?

I don’t know anything about “Lady Victoria”, “Lady V”, whatever she wants to be known as, other than she apparently likes to have Lindsay Lohan munching on her carpet at night.

I remember back in the day when Lindsay Lohan was still young and hot and Frankie Munez could have banged her.

Now she’s doing straight to wal-mart dvd porn flicks where she has guys spit on her.

Kinda makes you lose wood, really.

Celebrity Rehab Falls Off The Wagon

June 1st, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Celebrity Rehab, Lindsay Lohan, Tila Tequila

Friends, sad news. TMZ reports:

It should be easier than finding oil in the Gulf … but “Celebrity Rehab” has been put on ice because they just can’t find a big star with a big problem.

Sources connected with the show tell TMZ producers of “Celeb Rehab” can’t fill the roster for the new season, which was supposed to start shooting today.

As we first reported, Tila Tequila and Jason Wahler signed on, but there are still holes in the roster. Most important … we’re told there isn’t a big headliner.

Our sources say producers offered Lindsay Lohan $1 million and her own show, but LiLo turned them down. We’re thinking a good move on Lindsay’s part.

You know its bad when Lindsay Lohan would rather play a porn star that gets gang banged and spat on in a straight to video made for TV porn flick than take $1 million dollars and have her own TV show.

Who would want to be on a TV show with Tila Tequila? I’d be sleeping with one eye open, holding a cross, wishing that girl from the Exorcist would show up instead of Tila Tequila.

If there’s one thing I know about chicks, is that most are crazy, and none more so than Asian chicks. Got rice bitch?

Lindsay Lohan’s Inferno Might Not Make it to Theatres

June 1st, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Inferno, Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan’s Inferno porno movie where she play’s Linda Lovelace might not get made. Page 6:

Lindsay Lohan will be thoroughly degraded as “Deep Throat” porn star Linda Lovelace in the controversial upcoming movie “Inferno,” according to Aerik Von, an employee of fetish Web site deadlydommes.com who claims to have read the screenplay.

Calling it akin to a “Lifetime horror film,” Von told The Post’s Mandy Stadtmiller that Lovelace’s former husband, the legendarily brutal Chuck Traynor, is depicted as psychologically and physically torturing Lohan’s character.

Lohan, who’s now wearing an alcohol-monitoring anklet as ordered by the California judge overseeing her probation on a drunken-driving conviction, might not be able to star in the movie, which was slated to shoot in Texas — she has to stay in California for random drug-testing.

But some of the sexual acts in the film, written and directed by Matthew Wilder, are so rough, it’s hard to imagine the movie making it to theaters in its current form no matter who plays Lovelace, Von said.

“Traynor kicks her to a pulp,” Von says. “She’s made to say terrible things about herself while in the middle of sex acts. After her boyfriend assaults her, he kisses her bruises and asks, ‘Does this feel good?’ ” Von added, “It’s very sensational. There are not so much plot devices as shock tactics.”

Before Traynor turns Lovelace into a hooker, he forces her into a gang-rape scenario with several businessmen — one of whom hums a tune from “Mary Poppins” while fondling her breast.

Not to sound like a complete dick, but when I look at Lindsay Lohan, I pretty much imagine her as being gang banged and spat on when she’s not doing drugs or hoarding shoes.

Lindsay Lohan in Purple Magazine

Lindsay Lohan’s first porn

May 28th, 2010 • NSFW, Video
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan Nude, Lindsay Lohan Porn, Muse

Yesterday I posted the first promotional shots of Lindsay Lohan in Inferno, so here’s an old video of her doing photo shoot for Muse.

Its almost like she knew she’d be doing a porn film after this.

Lindsay Lohan is the perfect porn star

May 27th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Inferno, Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lovelace, Tyler Shields

Photographer Tyler Shields posted some of the shots that he took of Lindsay Lohan for the upcoming movie, Inferno, where Lindsay plays Linda Lovelace. You can visit his site here.

This may be the movie that gets her back on track, who knows. Didn’t we all imagine Lindsay playing a porn star at some point?

Lindsay Lohan has a new BFF and Adrianne Curry is wondering if anyone else wants to join her in bed

May 27th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Adrianne Curry, Lindsay Lohan

Adrianne Curry is wondering if there’s room for one more in her bed. Yes pease.

I wonder if the judge follows Lindsay Lohan’s Tweets.

Lindsay Lohan in Loaded Magazine

May 26th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Loaded Magazine

Apologies all around as these pictures are old now, but whatever. She’s got that SCRAM thing around her leg now thanks to a judges recent ruling, so I’m pretty sure she’s going to do some sort of fetish photoshoot for guys that like girls with electronic devices wrapped around them.

Lindsay Lohan isn’t in a movie. Shocking.

May 25th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Lindsay Lohan

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan made it clear to the court that she didn’t wanna wear a SCRAM bracelet because she thought it would get in the way of an upcoming movie shoot in Texas — problem is, no such shoot exists.

TMZ has contacted the producers of the only two motion picture projects Lindsay is currently attached to — “Machete” and “Inferno” — and they both made it very clear that LiLo has no business in Texas.

A rep for “Machete” tells us there ARE additional scenes being shot in Texas but, “according to the director, they don’t include [Lindsay].”

This girl is a wreck. And what the hell is up with her lawyer? Did she just graduate from law school or something? Either that or she just doesn’t give a crap anymore about Lindsay and is like “meh” whatever.

Morning Links sponsored by oil companies

May 25th, 2010 • Random
Tags: 24, Google, Kate Hudson, Lindsay Lohan, Links, Twitter, U2, Walmart

Lindsay Lohan was obviously lying TheBlemish
Kate Hudson borrows a baby and wears 5 outfits in 2 days Popsugar
Walmart reduces the price of the iPhone 3GS Mashable
Twitter bans some advertising, other than its own Time
“24,” the show that defined a decade Salon
Student Sues School for Damages in Sexting Case Wired
U2 cancels North American tour Dose
Google Street View ‘single biggest breach of privacy in history’ Telegraph

Lindsay Lohan Is Clearing Rumors

May 24th, 2010 • Celebs
Tags: Cannes, Dina Lohan, drugs, Lindsay Lohan, Probation

Blah Blah. God this chick is a mess. She looks like she aged 20 years in Cannes.

If you don’t want to go through the mental anguish of watching the video, I’ll save you the time and tell you that she basically denies everything, even though she everyone who knows how to use a camera following her all over the place in Cannes and taking pictures of her partying.

And her mother told RadarOnline:

“We did what we had to do to protect her,” Dina said. It’s a statement that may not be looked at favorably by the judge and prosecutor handling Lindsay’s probation violation case. “We did that for court purposes and the warrant purposes. To clear all that up before she hits American soil, which we have done, so she is now able to come.” “There was no music to face. We were dealing with issues to get her back safely — without an arrest and vacate the warrant. And that takes time, that doesn’t happen overnight. There are a lot of phone calls, a lot of people involved and a lot of decisions being made. So we did what we had to do to protect her.”We were dealing with the attorneys. We have a criminal attorney that pretty much tells us which direction to go.” “I left court, I spoke with Lindsay and told her that I would be making arrangements for bail to be posted so that she would not be arrested upon return to Los Angeles.”

Wow sometimes I feel like I’m taking crazy pills listening to the Lohans.